


Still Breathing

by lacewing



Series: RLTB [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, I'll try and add more tags as they come up, If you have suggestions let me know!, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-09 19:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacewing/pseuds/lacewing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had a bad cold over the weekend, so it's had me not doing much. So, here we go, a couple more chapters today and hopefully by the time I get to the end of posting these I shall have the latest chapter done and ready to go! So that it will go up on both FF and here!</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Still Breathing

Chapter 1

Act 3

(Hey, welcome to the next part of the story. If you are just starting here, please go back and read ‘Relearning to Breath’ first. It was running a bit long so I decided to flip things over to a new story to help keep things a little easier. Anyway, check out my tumblrs for fan art, dabble fics, requests, chats with the characters and artwork from me. Relearning2breath and stillbreathiing

As another note, the cover art for this book was done by the talented VonPipkin who was so terribly kind to draw this image by request! *glomps her to jelly*)

000

Tavros sat on the couch holding his head. Anatol was behind him, leaning over the couch, her feet kicking the air lightly as she rested her head against his back. Making her small horns poke into his shoulders. Shifting herself over the couch she curled herself up behind her friend and wrapped her arms around him. Tav leaned back a little and sighed rubbing his face. He was, just so tired. He didn’t know what he was doing other than it was apparently instinctual.

He just knew that his Mom was hurting and he could feel it. Every fiber of him could feel it. Something was in her that shouldn’t be there. It wasn’t evil, it didn’t want to hurt her, but it was alien to her mind and there was rejection.

Her dreams were trapped in another’s memories. Her waking hours spent in pain. But she’d still smile and do her best to take care of everyone.

Gamzee practically haunted the house. Since the Grand Highblood was injured he hadn’t left the house at all. Tav glanced up seeing Gamzee leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. Hope was mopping and cleaning counters. She was alright for now. All in her own mind for the moment. Which Tav was grateful for. Since earlier that morning she had been locked in a nightmare of a memory. Tav was exhausted from pulling her back. Ana had whimpered and been clinging to him since. He didn’t mind. Ana was a little rough around the edges but inside she was golden as Hope would put it.

Suddenly he found something in front of him, he blinked at the pink and white bunny, with its thick purple  threads she and Gamzee had used to patch the toy after Feferi had accidently torn it, were like a proudly displayed battle scar. For a moment he hesitated and then took the bunny, cuddling it close like Ana was cuddling him. He was actually pretty honored that she’d let him hold her toy. He knew how special it was to her. From their time before Hope. Before they were rescued. Ana had been there longer than Tavros. With those bad people who had hurt them. Tav had managed to escape death by hiding in the wreck of Hope’s apartment, and when the girl came she had been so kind to him.

He’d nearly forgotten all that had happened to him back then. He still had bad dreams about it sometimes, but Ana he knew had nightmares.

And when she didn’t dream about things done to her when she was still a grub, she dreamed of pink bunnies and sky blue.

It’s not far. Tavros thought, that he and Ana and Fef had to have those dreams. He’d asked about the grubs from the hive, most didn’t make it, but those that did, were not doing very well.

He’d commented to Karkat when leaning against him while Hope slept in the cage Gamzee had created with his long limbs on the new pillow sack that was a gift from Trillians that he thought if those grubs got put with people like Hope. He had his Momma Hope and was doing really well despite what happened to him, so he thought the other grubs who survived being crushed would do well too.

Karkat thought it was a good enough thought to pass along, but he doubted that there was going to be many allowed adoptions any time soon. Not with the threat of war more than a threat. The events at the hive was sparking a huge mess. There was talk about separating trolls and humans. Setting up reservations like the humans had already in the United States, separating out certain people of a racial background.

Tavros and the other kids thought it was stupid. What would they do? Would they try to separate him from his mom? They would survive but it would be painful and hurt very much. But if they tried to separate Feferi from Eric, that would be deadly. Both of them would die. And Tavros was pretty sure that Eridan would grieve himself after them.

Recently the whole house seemed to be getting a bit of a makeover, the Highblood, well, more like Unique as Uncle Highblood was still recovering from his injuries, had ordered to have the house reinforced. There were now metal plates that could be dropped over windows and the walls were being reinforced with all kinds of hard stuff. They were also finishing the pool finally for Eri’s lusus. Most all the repairs and add-ons were on the dime of the money that was to go to the Empress’ care. It also meant all the kids got new clothing and toys. Which they were more than fine with.

With a sigh Tavros leaned back against Ana and closed his eyes.

000

Hope felt, disconnected. Everything just felt so wrong. War was breaking out on the horizon. Many places already had reports of even more violence between Trolls and Humans, certain parts of the world had already begun ‘separating’ the two species to mixed results. This was turning into a mess that was getting out of hand.

As long as there were those on both sides trying to work this out hopefully it would manage to not become a huge fight.

And with trolls like the Orphaner dead, Hope could only dream that things would settle.

After he was gone the things they found out that he’d done. Just how far reaching his insanity had gone.

He’d been playing both sides, convincing extremist humans to attack, and it was him who had gotten the bomb placed in the hive, him who had even gotten that group who had gotten into the hive and took grubs to start within the beginning. He was the one that caused the grubnapping of the Empress. He was the one behind many of the various attacks by humans and trolls. Trying to spark a war. Not just in this area (although it was one of his bigger targets because of the presence of the Mothergrub and the Grand Highblood)

He blamed them, blamed them all for the loss of the prior Empress and his homeworld.

Hope could almost have felt sorry for him if he hadn’t been a ruthless ass who nearly raped her and did beat her to the point of her coming very close to dying.

She wasn’t going to waist anymore of her pity on the dead troll. She had several living trolls she had to look out for.

During her more lucid moments she’d heard Unique had moved in with the Highblood. Because he needed someone to keep a closer eye on him while he recovered from taking a bullet to the chest at such close range.  That Trillians would be reopening again with a few expansions after the attacks. That the Archives were still recovering, although it seemed despite Karkat’s best efforts he lost his secretary. Both Lucy and Kanaya now worked at the archive, helping them reorganize and rebuild the lost information from the attacks.

But Karkat gained a new ‘second’ as it were. The copper blooded troll who had taken control of the office while Karkat had not been able to come in because of the attacks. He was often called “Summoner” because of his ability to connect with animals, (he had found that he was perfectly capable of connecting with earth creatures. One of the few trolls who managed to bridge the gap between the species of his own planet and earth) and get them to do things he asked of them. Karkat had invited him for dinner once. He’d been a card, flirting with the girls in a playful manor and then ended up entertaining the children most the evening. He was good natured and quiet but had a way about him that went past his blood color.

He proved to be more than a passably decent filer, which was all Karkat really wanted in the end, but that he could with John run the office for Karkat when he couldn’t be there was a bonus to the other troll who had obligations to home and the future Empress.

Hope set the dish she’d been about to put into the sink on the floor. Not sure when she got down there. Last she recalled she’d been standing and cleaning the kitchen.

Gamzee was right beside her, long arms pulling her to her feet, then he just lifted her off her feet and carried her out. She thought he would carry her to the couch, instead he trotted down stairs and she found herself in the dark dungeon he called a bedroom.

He curled her up under his blankets and sat on the floor next to his bed, just watching her. She blinked at him, for a moment thought she was looking at someone else, but someone she trusted, so she let her mind fuzz out. She felt Gamzee brush back her hair and plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Come back to me.” He whispered to her and she blinked at him.

“I’m here.”

“You’re not” he said softly.

She blinked at him, but then just felt herself go too fuzzy, curling herself into a ball as the pain set in.

000

Hope didn’t know how long it had been when she lost touch with reality. She remembered someone singing, that was about it. When she came back to herself she was curled on her side, it was incredibly dark and a figure was curled up around her. Hope took a long moment to recognize the limbs as Gamzee. Slowly she edged herself out of the bed. The bathroom was singing a soprano aria and she seriously needed to answer that call. When she came back she could see the dim glow of Gamzee’s eyes in the darkness.  She was in his bedroom. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable her arms went into their locked position behind her and she started to edge towards the door.

“Hope.” Gamzee’s voice stopped her and she blinked at him. There was just enough light that she could make out  outlines and shapes. But not much else.

She could see him shift enough to know he was holding open the covers “Come back to bed.” He told her.

“I should go to my own.” She started but stopped when he gave her a small growl.

Which made her mad. She stomped her foot “Stop bullying me!”

When she registered that his form started to move, that he was crouched on the bed like a ready cat for the attack she had a feeling she did the wrong move.

“I said,” his voice sounded so reasonable “come back to bed Hope, don’t make me force you.”

She shoved her chin forward stubbornly. Refusing to back down.

And she was always shocked with just how fast he could move when he wanted to. He shot crossed the room and she registered his arms closing around her before he just, tossed her towards the bed.

She landed with an expelling of air. Taking a breath she tried to roll off the bed but he had her caged. Arms and legs on either side of her body his face close to her own. He crouched over her and even in the darkness she could see his super white and very sharp smile.

“you really need to learn better about challenging an indigo Hope” he rumbled softly, his breath against the side of her jaw as he leaned close.

“Especially one that already wants you.”

She gulped holding her breath as he leaned over her. Her heart pounding in her chest. Gamzee brought one hand up and rested it against the hollow of throat and shoulder. Her hear pounded wildly under his touch and she couldn’t tell if it was fear or something else. Or perhaps a mix of both.

She kept herself very still as she felt his lips just graze her skin along her jaw and neck. Then he shifted to rest his head against her chest, his horns framing her face. He didn’t move long enough she carefully reached up and started petting his hair.

Which made him rumble and purr.

Hope was pretty sure that it wasn’t an improvement, not with the way the sound seemed to almost echo throughout her body. She stopped moving but he kept up his purring and then she heard him chuckle.

Every ounce of fear left her, she was mad again. He was pulling this shit on purpose just to make her uncomfortable!

So she wacked him in the shoulder, his hand came up and captured hers, pinning it down to the mattress. So she tried to push him off with her other hand just to end up with that one pinned.

“This is utterly unfair.” She complained at him. For once she felt completely in her own head. She just wished it was under better circumstances.

Like not being pinned to a mattress by a person who made his intentions towards her very clear.

“you’re legs are free.” He said blandly.

She glared at him “What is it with you and wanting to make me hit you in the crotch? Seriously! I don’t hate you!”

He chuckled, “But if you wanted free. It would make it clear.”

“You are just fucked in the head, do you know that?” she said knowing full well the irony of that statement at this moment.

He chuckled at her and leaned down his lips just barely grazing her own “I will not take you by force” he whispered “I will not hurt you.” This close she could see clearly his eyes in the dimness, his messy hair falling down over her face and tickling. “Don’t you know this by now?”

“I, don’t know what to know.” She admitted softly “You intimidate me.”

“Why?” he asked “Have I not proven, time and again I will never hurt you?”

She had to admit, he had a point. There had already been several times he could have caused her serious damage. From the time at the hive, to recently when he tore another troll apart.

“But, with Or-“ she stopped as he gave a warning growl.

“That bastard is dead and will never touch you again!” he snapped, his voice dangerously harsh.

“Karkat had to calm you…”

He gave a tired sigh and she felt his hands loosen enough she was able to tug them free and pull them down close to her chest as she waited to see what he was going to do. He brought his arms down a little braced on either side of her body and rested his head down on the mattress next to her own.

She heard him mumble into the mattress “I did not wish you harm.” He said softly “I wanted to claim you. He’d tried to take you away, to claim you instead. You are mine.” The last was stated with such vicious conviction.

She sighed “but, I’m human, and you aren’t. There are differences.” She said.

His lips shut her up. She definitely got the impression that he was planning on showing her just how little he felt those differences meant.

Hope couldn’t say if she was going to care about the differences herself when he managed to deepen the kiss. It was still utterly possessive. He kissed her as if he was invading every part of her being. But it wasn’t the kiss from the battle field. It was in many ways more akin to the kiss in the laundry room. Hungry, needy, wanting. The kiss parted and she sucked in a breath as if she came up from near drowning.

Only to go under again as he began trailing kisses down her neck. Covering every inch of flesh with tiny nipping kisses.

Her last real coherent thought was that she was going to look like a vampire attack victim when he was done.

000

Hope was curled up in one corner of the bed were Gamzee had crowded her into. She was fuzzy but not the ‘not fully in her own head’ way. Just the fuzzy ‘what the fuck happened last night’ way she got when she drank too much.

Vaguely she recalled the night before. Gamzee had kissed her until she felt her head would spin right off. His hands crawling along her flesh, as he made out with her like they were a pair of teenagers sneaking in some kisses before their parents got home.

Then he stopped. He got up and retreated to the bathroom and left her feeling a bit cool and just trying to get her head on straight again.

She was very confused even now as to if she had even wanted him to stop. She was grateful, that was for sure.

An arm reached out and snagged her, pulling her down close to him. Hope squeaked and he chuckled.

“Let me up” she complained.

“Nope”

“Gamzee!”

“Must pay a toll to the troll” he replied with a growing grin.

“…. You are an evil bastard”

“You want up?” he was practically nose to nose with her.

She sighed “What do you want?”

His lips closed on hers for a long moment. Then when he parted he flopped onto his back and grinned at the flustered look she wore.

“…you… you….” She gave up and just rolled herself off the bed and fled into the bathroom. Making sure to lock the door. This little water closet was small enough as well that she could put a foot on the door from the toilet seat just to be sure. The rest of the bathroom was taken up by the shower stall.

When she came out Gamzee was getting on a clean shirt. Pulling it carefully over his horns so he didn’t tear any new holes in his collar. Several of his shirts already had multiple tears around his shoulders and collar.

Hope would think that button ups would be more popular, or really wide necks, what with the horns, but they seemed fond of t-shirts. He’d even seen the Highblood wearing them, and his set went higher than he could comfortably reach with his hands.

Hope walked over and reached up to help pull the hole around the horns and after that he just yanked it down and got his arms into the sleeves. Before she could stop him he grabbed her chin and planted several kisses over her cheeks and nose before landing a light one on her lips.

She gave him a dirty look “I wasn’t paying no toll!”

“Nope, reward.” He grinned.

She rolled her eyes “Oh seriously!” she cuffed the side of his head and he just laughed at her. “Cut that out!”

“But you turn such fun colors.” He told her. Which of course meant she instantly turned even more colors. So she threatened to hit him which made him rumble at her, smiling and eyes giving her an instance half lidded stare.

Which made her pause and she folded her arms instead. Huffing she turned to head up the stairs.

Gamzee found his shoes and got one on, putting the other one on his way up the stairs after Hope.

When he got upstairs Tavros was watching television, none of the other kids were there so they must still be asleep at the other side. Hope was nowhere in sight, so she likely went to change in her room. But Karkat was staring at Gamzee with a raised brow from the kitchen.

“What my best friend?” he asked with a widening grin. Whenever Karkat got that particular look, Gamzee knew whatever came out of his mouth would be funny.

“Do you have to maul her like that?” he demanded.

“Like what?” Gamzee pretended wide eyed innocence.

“Like a victim of crazed octopus attack.” Karkat snapped at his friend. Well, secretly he was pleased to see that Hope had not looked scared or put out. A little embarrassed when she realized what he had been looking at, but not upset. She’d just gone upstairs to change and likely shower.

Gamzee just grinned toothily “Maybe I should try harder, if it only looked like an octopus.”

Karkat rolled his eyes “I got a call, looks like the Highblood is up and about today, so he is likely to drop by and see how we’re doing. He also wants to talk with Hope and Tavros.”

“What for?” Gamzee said suspiciously.

“Likely about what’s going on in Hope’s head.” Karkat paused “Its, not good.”

“She was ok last night, and she’s ok this morning.” Gamzee looked off to the side as he took a seat at the bar.

“Could be chance, could be the contact you had with her. I don’t know.”  Karkat made some coffee for himself and pulled out one of Gamzee’s preferred sodas, passing that to the other troll who caught it deftly and opened it, “But we need to cover all our bases.”

Gamzee sighed and nodded. He knew he was being a bit protective. As the highest level male on the premises, he was a matter of territory.

Gamzee never played well with those who went stepping on his toes.

Especially powerful trolls like Highblood. Who literately had the ability and power as well as position to be able to take anything they want. Including another’s quadrant.

The Highblood had his own toys. He didn’t need Gamzee’s as well, but well the younger troll couldn’t help the burning instinct inside that told him to growl and keep the bigger woof beast away from his territory.

Especially since the Grand Highblood was very fond of pushing buttons.

He had not been as bad recently since Gamzee accepted the position under the Highblood as he was in the past, but he still periodically like to push for the hell of it.

“I’ll be good” he promised Karkat who had still be watching him. “But I won’t let him push Hope or Tav.” When it came to those two and Karkat Gamzee was incredibly protective. They were his. His family.

He rather liked that human term. Family.

000

Notes: Welcome to the first chapter of the 3rd act. 


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole

Still Breathing chapter 2

Act 3

Down the Rabbit Hole

000

Hope was going up the stairs when she found herself snagged by Gamzee.

“What the hell?” she had hoped she could get to her own bed for once. Since pretty much since that night Gamzee had not allowed her to sleep alone.

“We’re going out.” He told her.

“What?” she felt very confused, it was getting late, she was tired.

“Jade found a babysitter, so all of us adults are going out.” Karkat added from the kitchen doorway. “Nooksucker, let the human go so she can get cleaned up.”

Gamzee blinked “She’s beautiful as she is.” He said with an utterly straight face.

Hanging from his arm Hope blushed a bit, overall her t-shirt and skirt were not bad, but if they were going out, she would prefer to be able to brush her hair or some such thing.

But as Gamzee was heading out the door, she knew he was not going to allow her to do anything of the sort. “Where are we going?” she said.

“Party!” Jade was outside. Admittedly she wasn’t dressed to the nines either, so Hope felt a little better. “We got invited to a party though one of Karkat’s employees.”

“Not my employee. I am still an employee.” Karkat said coming out and bopping Jade in the head the other woman just pulled a face on him and laughed. A car pulled up, inside was a few trolls from their protection group. They saluted Jade who with a grin pointed to the house “Sirius will help you keep the kids from trying to pull anything on you. But they get a movie, then bed. We took care of baths earlier.”

One troll relaxed completely and it made the other adults chuckles. That had to be someone around during one of Ana’s bath times.

The adults piled into the car. It was Jade’s Hummer they got into, like the van it was a car they could pile into and it accommodated the larger horns like Gamzee’s. It was a new purchase for the family. Jade managed to get it paid for by the trolls by pointing out if they bought the military grade version instead of the off the lot one the thing would be built like a tank and better for protection of the Empress.

So, a repainted military grade hummer now sat in the driveway along with Hope’s seldom used Kia, Karkat’s midsized torus and the family minivan. There was a debating going on if they wanted to let Gamzee learn to drive. He’d been doing alright with his walking, but the biggest issue he had for learning to drive was his horns. The tall head gear meant that for him to be able to drive he had to do so from a slightly reclined position in the van or hummer, but neither of which would likely get his passed on the practical test. Jade had been the one to made a suggestion, of possibly instead of learning to drive a car he learned to ride a motorbike. Getting a costume helmet for his horns would be easier than trying to locate another car for him. (since something like a convertible would likely work fine for him.)

Then there was the problem of his rage issues.

Karkat pointed out the idea of Gamzee in the middle of a rage driving ANYTHING.

They could all picture the likely chaos.

While him learning to drive might have practical applications, that was about as far as that thought was likely to go.

Hope was about to climb into the back seat with Karkat when Gamzee snagged her.

“I can’t sit in the front with you Gamzee” the young woman said wondering why he was being so incredibly clingy tonight.

He buried his face into the hallow of her neck and made a rumbling purr.

Jade sighed “I won’t start this car until everyone is legally seated.”

Gamzee sighed and released Hope. The girl climbed into the back with Karkat who gave her a pat on the shoulder but didn’t say anything. She gave him a confused look and pointed at Gamzee.

Irritatingly he just grinned at her.

Oh joy, it was some weird troll thing and no one was going to let her in on the joke.

Hope flopped with an irritated groan into her seat and covered her face with her hands. For a moment in the darkness created she could see… something.

Heard a voice…

A hand on her shoulder brought her out of whatever half dream she’d been falling into and she blinked at Karkat who looked at her with concern.

“We’re here, you fucking ok?”

“Yeah, just a little tired. Until everyone announced this outing I was going to bed.” She admitted.

“Sorry about that. Common.”

“So what sort of party is this?”

“House warming. The Grand Highblood is feeling better and since he and Unique got a new place together they decided to throw a party.” Even now Hope could tell Karkat wanted to say ‘hive’ not ‘house’. A hold over at the trolls had from their old home. When everyone lived in hives that were started when they were but brand new pupas and wasn’t completed until they matured.

“If I known it was a house warming I’d have brought a gift.” Hope commented.

“We were told no gifts. It’s just a... what the word Unique used?” Karkat looked towards Jade who was tucking her purse under the driver’s seat and pocketing the key.

“Block Party” Jade said “more informal and pretty much everyone’s invited. So we might get a few wanderers in from the neighborhood.”

“Oh like that won’t lead to disaster.” Hope said with a snort.

Gamzee just chuckled. “What with all the news down on us Indigos, not but the bravest motherfuckers are likely to risk it.”

“Or the certifiable.” Karkat added.

They got out of the car and Jade locked up.

Hope blinked and looked at the house that the Highblood and Unique were occupying. It wasn’t all that big, just a couple stories.

But it had a strange rambling way to it. As if each part was just thrown on in a whim yet there was a kind of wholeness to it.

Karkat snorted “The idiot built a Hive.”

“So that is what your houses looked like?” Jade asked in curiosity. More cars were parking in the drive and the lawn as well as along the street. It was turning into quite a gathering. Currently more troll than human but there was a growing number of them as well.

“More or less.” Karkat confirmed.

“Miraculous” Gamzee said and flopped himself over to lean over Hope’s shoulder.

Karkat shook his head and then blinked when he noticed a pair of people he had not expected to see. Seated to the side in a human style swinging chair were Kanaya and Lucy. He gave a wave to his group and headed over to see what they were doing.

Jade had already headed off in another direction and Hope was trying in vain to get Gamzee out of her personal space. Karkat wished her luck but at the moment the other troll was in a weird mood that made him incredibly unpredictable. Karkat knew a fight he wasn’t willing to get involved in. If it looked as if he might actively hurt Hope Karkat would get involved, but that was the line he had at the moment.  For now it seemed more like the clown was trying to cheer her up or at least snuggle her into an irritated distraction. He shook his head and reached Kanaya and Lucy.

“They they finished with you at the Archives?” he asked the pair. He’d pretty much officially lost them. The Archives really was a better job for their skills and especially for Lucy’s health.  The human had no contact outside of trolls all day. Little to no human germs, and what diseases that Trolls had did not carry over to humans and vice versa.

So he did not blame them for taking the job offer. He just still wished he didn’t have to lose a pair of prized employees. At least he still had Rufio, the brown blood was nearly as good a filer as Lucy and had an even better way of controlling some of the other employees. The guy had a lot of charisma and knew how to use it to best effect.

The pair looked up at him in unison when he grew near.

“Hey Karkat” Lucy actually got up to give him a hug. He chuckled and hugged back the human.  She wasn’t prone to demonstrative shows of affection often.

“What are you two doing?” he asked.

The pair looked at each other and one shrugged and the other rolled her eyes. He raised an eyebrow at this silent exchange. Just when did the pair become close enough to invent their own silent language?

Kanaya sighed and gave a nod so Lucy started “Well, we were invited for dinner, the Highblood had a few things he wished to talk with us about.”

“Both of you?”

Kanaya nodded “The, Situation has changed.” She said in that measured metered way of hers.

Karkat leaned against the post of the swing and crossed his arms waiting to hear this.

“The mothergrub was killed during the attack.”

Karkat nodded “They are still cleaning up the mess. The whole hive will have to be rebuilt from the riverbank up.” And more security measures were going to need to be taken. “Have they found any Queens willing to transfer?” those trolls who for whatever reason were gifted with the ability  to do on a smaller scale what a Mothergrub Lusus could do on a grander. It wasn’t uncommon for there to be a half dozen Queens sharing a hive with a Mothergrub.  Or as been happening on earth, a half dozen handling all of the Mothergrub’s duties as they only had three  that made it to Earth at all.

Well, now only two as Orphaner blew up the hive with the Mothergrub, Queens and their attendants. The hive had to be rebuilt and new everything found to populate it. Plus there were the surviving grubs who were still being placed. A few of the most traumatized were not expected to live. Not unless they could find some way to heal the physical and mental damage done to them. So far the only suggestions had been to find more humans like Hope or Eric... Those willing to bond to the grubs either as a Lusus or have their lives tied together. But the second option would mean they would have to see if the Empress could repeat what she did for herself on instinct for the other grubs.

Karkat was fairly sure that Feferi was still too young to know how to do so right now.  She had no real control of her abilities as of yet.

“There are no Queens to spare for the hive.” Lucy said “We’ve gone over all the records, there haven’t even been any new Queens found among the young trolls yet.”

Karkat frowned, this was worrying. No Queens? And the only hope for new ones would be among the really young, but they would not truly know if they could be possible Queens until they reached sexual maturity. It also still took a few years for the troll to be able to harness the ability to sort material and produce the eggs.  And Queens could only produce a few more selective fertile eggs at a time, while a mothergrub could produce thousands. Many of the mothergrub’s eggs also helped dispose of unwanted and undesirable material. Producing a few stillborns or those that would die quickly, and a Mother Grub’s own genetics never filtered into the eggs while a Queen couldn’t filter out their own genetics completely.

“So if we finish the hive, what good will it do? The Waterdwellers have a much more limited number of hives they can take their buckets to.” Karkat pointed out.

“We have a new Mothergrub.” Kanaya said.

Karkat blinked “But I thought there were only a couple surviving mothergrubs, unless…”

“I will be the mothergrub.” Kanaya said.

“She agreed to have her lusus state triggered early. And the Highblood is convinced she will become the next mothergrub.” Lucy added. She didn’t even glance back when Kanaya reached out and took the human’s hand the girl reached over and squeezes the troll’s hand.

“I thought that Queens..”

Lucy shook her head “According to the Highblood most Queens actually tend to transform to Dragons.  Mothergrubs are just as likely to show among others. And from what he said they actually only appear among the Teals.”

“Huh... but you are still so young Kanaya are you sure?”

The other troll smiled “I am sure. It is both my duty and my pleasure. Plus.” She shuddered and Lucy leaned back resting her head on the other’s shoulder in an oddly familial way that made Karkat wonder if the two had decided to become Moirails. “I have been guaranteed that my memories of the, events, from my trolls years will be greatly subdued by my new memories and duties as a Mother.”

Karkat paused and then moved over to kneel before the troll and took her free hand resting his forehead against it in a show of respect. He could understand wanting to forget the events of their lives in becoming a lusus. The things that happened on the refugee ships no one wanted to remember.

But she was making a great sacrifice. The years she had as a troll, to find love, friendship, advancing her career and so many other things she was giving up to spend the rest of her existence as a giant grub laying hundreds of millions of their kind.

She would literately become mother to them all.  

He glanced over at Lucy “What about you? Will you still work at the Archive?” he asked her and Lucy shook her head.

“I’m going with her. When they said there was no one to spare from the other hives they were not kidding. There are no attendants or Queens to send at all. So Kanaya needs someone who she can trust, especially early on in her transformation. So that someone is going to be me.” Lucy smiled “And since I have no real social life already because of my health issues, this won’t be too different frankly. Plus I get to design myself some pretty swanky digs. And we can funnel sunlight to my chambers so it’s not like I’m going to be locked up in an underground cave for the rest of my existence. I’ll have access to the internet and movies and news.”

“But you are not a fighter.”

Both laughed. “She discovered she had quite a talent during the attack on the Archive.”

“Apparently with a bit of training I’m a natural. Plus I’m a ‘null’ as the Highblood said. So I’ll be taking classes between now and when Kanaya undergoes her lusus transformation.”

Kanaya nodded “it will be a couple years yet before we start this. The new hive must be prepared and Lucy must be trained.”

Karkat frowned “What is a null?”

“Seems to be someone unaffected by any psychic abilities. Human or Troll.” Lucy said “So I am perfect cause even if some troll figures out how to make their abilities work on humans I don’t feel a damn thing. Highblood tested my abilities today on that.” She grinned widely.

Kanaya shuddered “I pray that I shall never have to experience the highblood’s abilities like that again.”

“Yeah on the final stages everyone had to leave the room. Cause I guess they were under risk of a heart attack. Most I felt was that he loomed a bit.” She shrugged “I mean he can be perfectly scary and all that the teeth and wild hair and the way he alters his voice about and all that stuff but yeah I didn’t _feel_ a thing.”

“Huh” Karkat thought about that. If the girl was a decent fighter, at least good enough to fend off an attacker for a short time for help to arrive, and was immune to all forms of manipulation.  “This could, fucking work”

“It had better. Once the process starts there will be no reversing.” Kanaya said. “Once I become the Mothergrub, I cannot go back to being a troll and if I do not fulfill my duties, I will die.”

“It would be slow though wouldn’t it?” Karkat  asked he recalled that Kanya’s lusus had actually been one of the mothergrubs who had left her post to raise her. No one knew why a mothergrub would choose to do so. Because it was essentially suicide. A mothergrub HAD to lay eggs, had to sort the genetic material. As long as they did this they were among the longest lived of the lusus. There were rumors that one of the three that had made it to Earth was possibly at old as the Grand Highblood.

Kanaya shook her head “That is only after I had been a grub a long time as my Lusus was. She abandoned her duties for my care after having been a mothergrub for hundreds of sweeps. So she was able to live long enough for me to mature.”

“Don’t worry about us, we’ll be great.” Lucy said smiling at Karkat, she looked utterly happy.

But then he likely would be too if he spent a good portion of his life trying to do things but no one giving him a real chance to succeed. Only saying what he couldn’t because of something he couldn’t change.

Yeah, he really did know what that was like.

Karkat talked a bit more before he walked away from the pair who went back to discussing living arrangements for now and later.  This was definitely an interesting change in developments.

\--

Hope managed to escape Gamzee long enough to go use the bathroom. She had splashed a bit of water on her face and looked around a little. The Highblood really had made this place very interesting. It was like some interesting mixes of human and troll design. The main floor had a sort of reception hall, there was a kitchen and a large dining room then a stair in the main reception hall (it was like a very large living room, very comfortably laid out with interesting features and an almost oddly circus tent feel) spiraled up with side of the room and went to the second floor that consisted of two areas.

There was another stairway that was off the main floor through an arched opening that went down to a basement area that was set up with games and other recreations.

Of the second floor the front area facing the front of the property was a more private living space. Likely were the Highblood would be spending more of his time. It was also at the moment filled with trolls and humans like the bottom levels were. The back part was a bathroom where Hope currently was looking about. There was another bath below as well, a much smaller and more normal one off the kitchen area. This one though was just utterly amazing.

More open air in its designs it looked out over the back garden, which was still being finalized but mostly done, and consisted of a huge pool with several hot and cold water sources pouring into it. There was a release that flowed over the side of the building into a pool in the courtyard below and then was channeled out to another pool in the garden before it would flow through little rivulets into the garden.  The garden was part hedge maze part night garden and filled with soft lifting and graveled paths. It would be very impressive once all the new plants grew and it looked a little less new and more settled in.

Knowing that Gamzee wouldn’t leave her long she finished up and went back out to the party. Gamzee was trotting up the stairs when she came out and she gave him a wave before he came over draping an arm over her shoulder.

“Highblood wants to see us” he told her and she nodded. They went instead of back down to the party up to the third floor, again like the second there was really only two rooms. One half was a bedroom, like the bath it had a sort of half open air design that was quite interesting. There were huge glass panels that swung open to let the whole room be open but could close up for in climate weather.  There were also rolled up nettings that could be dropped to keep out bugs if the windows were opened. A huge four poster bed (more like pillars) dominated one part of the room, the other side had what Hope realized was a sunken sopor slime bed. The stuff was coming along and some higher caste trolls and a few other trolls who they deemed needed it (the psychotic for instance) were finally able to start using it for bedding again. It would be another few years before there was enough slime to make it common use, but some was being grown at all the hives and archives now. Huge culture vats that would likely start going into mass productions when the trolls could set up places to grow the stuff.

But that would have to wait until the current chaos settled. Until they knew if the humans and trolls could share the planet or if it would escalate into the xenocide that the Orphaner had been attempting to create.

On the other side of the space through a door was the area they headed to. The Highblood was inside. The walls lined with books, scrolls and data on tall shelves. The center of the room dominated by a large desk very like the one he had over at Trillians.

The Highblood was seated, he wore a loose over robe and baggy pants, his feet bare and kicked up on the desk while he leaned back in his chair.

Hope could see the bandages around his chest from the wound he was still recovering from. Trolls healed faster than humans so the wound was likely closed by this point, but he kept it covered for whatever reason he must have for such a thing. He looked up and smiled as the pair came in. Hope blinked.

It was not his usual smile, one that was amused or malice filled or otherwise intimidating. It was actually, kind of sweet. As if he was just happy to see them.

“Gamzee, I have some papers for you to look over. As things settle we’ll have some work to complete.”

Gamzee sighed and took the file that the Highblood pushed to the edge of the desk for him. A slight frown making a crease between his brows.

“How are you holding up Hope?” he asked her suddenly and she blinked at him.

“I’m holding.” She said she wasn’t doing great she was actually pretty much tired all the time and her head either pounded in pain or she was having visions she couldn’t sort though. Hardly anything made sense. Not the trolls, not even her own people.

The only things that stayed making any form of sense were those she interacted with on a daily basis. The kids, Jade, Karkat and Gamzee.

Even there though Gamzee was getting even harder to predict. She didn’t know if he was just going to stare at her or molest her.

She at least knew he wasn’t going to push too far, he always stopped. Left her alone for a little and then would only come back to cuddle.

“We are trying to find a way to help. It’s a bit much to ask Tavros to take on this whole burden. He is doing wonderfully but he is also still very young.” The highblood pulled out some more papers “I’ve been talking with the other hives. Our South American hive has one of the remaining Mothergrubs and the Queens inform us that she may be interested in seeing you. Our Mother had been a very, unique, grub with a lot of unusual powers for her kind. But one of the others might be able to do something.”

Hope felt herself relax a bit, someone might be able to help? That would be a relief.

“We’re not going to separate the group, so we’ll be sending you all together.  If anything the travel might help get all of you a little more clear headed after the recent events.”

“um, alright.” Hope blinked she was not expecting this to become a family vacation. But she had to admit, letting Feferi tour other hives would likely be a good thing for the girl. Let alone when she thought about it, they would have to take Karkat and Tavros, because Gamzee long travel without Karkat just sounded like a bad idea. She knew that Gamzee would not let her go alone, and Hope and Tav could not be separated that far comfortably.

Then that would end up leaving Jade alone with three children and two lusus, again a bad idea when one of the children was the Empress , the other two were the Prince and Heir. She might be good at defending them and keeping them wrangled and in control, but if there was another attack like when the Orphaner struck, Jade would be grossly outnumbered.

“We’re making arrangements. There will of course be a jet. Most the planes leaving this local airport are killer for those of us blessed” and he indicated his own mass and horns as well as Gamzee’s “With raging good looks find those little toy fucking shuttles on the runway a bit cramped.”

Hope actually never flew, so she could only think of the planes that showed up in the movies. But she trusted him on this matter. Afterall just getting a car that fit all of them was a headache in more than one way.  When they were shopping for the van there had been several times Gamzee had gotten stuck just attempting to get in and out of the vans they tested.

The one they went with was chosen for his comfort rather than its gas mileage.

“Sirus and Eridan’s lusus?” she asked.

“Will be going along with. Another reason for the private jet over commercial. Lusus are still considered animals and thus get shipped as such under human laws. Which isn’t good for them OR their charges. We’re working on that for the times that the kids do have to travel and need their guardians to go along with them.” He was straitening up some more papers “We’ll have things arranged. There still some thought to go into the care and comfort of Eridan’s lusus and arranging for hotels that will allow both the aquatic lusus and Sirius.”

Hope nodded. Gamzee finished reading the files and handed them back to the Highblood who took them. “Now go enjoy the party.”

“What did he have you reading?” she asked as they exited the room.

Gamzee just gave her a smile and ruffled her hair “Just work.” He told her. They saw Jade in the upper living space currently beating the pants off of Trillians’ Bartender. Others were cheering as Jade moved  through the controls on the xbox and Sollux was struggling to keep up. But both were laughing about it and it seemed to that every time he found his rhythm in the dance game they played she would pull something that threw off his concentration.  Like bumping him or pulling a move not quite part of the routine that had him blinking at her for a moment before he realized he was off his stride.

Hope giggled. It was actually rather cute.  Gamzee had laughed and the pair of them went over to watch Jade beat the pants off of Sol (literately, as it seemed they had each betted their own pants on the game. Sollux spent the rest of the evening in only his boxers that had goofy little honey bees all over them and a pooh bear with a honey pot stuck on his head)

Hope ended up dozing off partway through the evening. Snuggled against Gamzee who found them a comfortable and quiet spot overlooking the garden. Light steam rising from the pool/tub behind them and a lovely moon making the garden glow.

000

Notes: Right so yes this chapter too absurdly long. I still didn’t get everything in it I had hoped to do… so.. BLAH!

Anyway, there is new fanart, and dabbles and loads of stuff to be found on tumblr. The urls are stillbreathiing and relearning2breath. 


	3. Mothergrub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bad cold over the weekend, so it's had me not doing much. So, here we go, a couple more chapters today and hopefully by the time I get to the end of posting these I shall have the latest chapter done and ready to go! So that it will go up on both FF and here!

Still Breathing chapter 3

Act 3

Mothergub

000

The best thing, Hope decided, about a private Jet over commercial, aside from the better food, leg room and comfortable seating, was that they didn’t care were one sat. No demands to put on belts or to put trays up.

Which as they came in for a landing was a good thing. Hope was seated on Gamzee’s lap. The troll having flung a blanket over her head and held her close as she shivered through an episode. Seeing strange trolls, hearing voices. She was struck mute by the press of unfamiliar words.

Little Tavros sat beside Gamzee leaning against him and Hope, humming softly but this was beyond his own abilities and he was scared.

“It’s ok” Gamzee told the little troll as the jet pulled to a stop on the runway. “We’ll take her to the Mothergrub, she’ll start to get better, ok?”

Tav just nodded as mute as Hope at the moment.

The jet stopped and the staff got the doors open. When Karkat poked his head out first ahead of the others he blinked as there was a van waiting on the tarmac for them. The Highblood really did have everything prepared and arranged for them.

So between him and Jade they got the kid shuffled down the steps and loaded into the van while Gamzee carried out Hope in his arms and Tavros hung over his shoulder. The two trolls looked tired and miserable and nothing could be seen of Hope who was still tucked up in a blanket and blocked from the light.

The flight had not been a good one for Hope, she had been airsick which triggered another episode.  The van was at least big enough to hold them all, and their luggage was being packed into a second smaller car that was brought. The drivers were both human, but as incredibly bright as it was made perfect sense, The trolls were more than willing to get into the tinted window van and out of the incredibly bright afternoon sun of brazil. Sirius though decided to run. He was off loaded from the back of the jet where the opening was larger than the exit by the front. And once out of the cramped location he was not going to let himself be stuffed into another cramped location even for the shorter trip.

He gave the trolls enough of a feeling to know he could perfectly well keep pace with them to the new location. Which Jade informed the other drivers who had been trying to figure out how to fit Sirius.

At first they seemed unsure, but she smiled “He’s smarter than he looks.” Which earned her a bump in the back from the Lusus.

When they were loaded and their bags all loaded as well the two cars drove off.  Eridan and Feferi were in the back with Eric trading the glasses they had recently gotten. Eridan’s eyes had begun burning from trying to focus on land, so they got him fitted with glasses. The boy was utterly relieved and since they got him a pair they did Feferi at the same time. She’s spent the whole car ride home after she gotten them going “Look! Trees! Is that a cow? HORSIES!”

So the pair were flipping glasses trying to decide who’s eyes were worse on land. Eric just laughed at the pair of them as he said Eridan’s glasses made Fef look like a nerd.

Eridan crossed his arms and gave a pout “Then what they make me look like?”

“A nerd” the other two chimed together and Jade had to reach over to keep the children from attempting to start shenanigans in the back of the van.

Ana was quiet staring out the window and petting back Tav’s hair as the young troll rested his head on her lap, snuggled between her and Jade in the middle seats. The front more bucket seats of the three rows of seats in the back of the van, Karkat and Gamzee sat. Gamzee was leaned back in his chair and holding Hope. They had offered to set the human in her own seat but he just growled and refused to relinquish his hold on her.

It was not that long of a ride to the place they were going to. A small beach home that was new construction and a more hive-like look to it. Very few windows for one thing. Which even the humans felt a little grateful for getting out of the bright and very warm afternoon sun. The drivers brought in their things as everyone looked around the new dwellings.

The front block was an entrance area that had three halls running off in angled directions. One side lead towards general communal living accommodations, something that was a nod towards familiarity for humans. The ‘living room’ ‘family rooms’ and ‘kitchen’ over the sorts of blocks that a troll would have had back in their home world. But again, this was also now familiar to the young trolls who never had to build their own hive with their lusus. There was a half bath. The second hall led towards the back of the house and more recreational and did have huge windows that were currently shuttered, but viewed the ocean. There was even a salt water swimming pool and another smaller pool that came in from the ocean. Eridan’s Lusus was already there. Bobbing happily in the water, leaning against the side of the pool was Sirius who was flopped down panting in the shade of the garden trees. The children peeked out and gave a wave to the lusii before closing the shutters again to block the light. The remaining hall had the respite blocks, or bedrooms. This place was not outfitted with coons, but the bed were all very reminiscent. There were four such rooms. Two stacked above the two below and a spiral staircase leading up. The children claimed the upper ones. The girls on one side and the boys on the other. Feferi and Ana agreed they would get along for Hope’s sake.  Even Tav got back some of his energy as he bounced with the other children along the beds everyone testing them out and figuring out which one was going to be their own. On the boy’s side. Eridan and Eric took the bunks that were built into the wall, and Tavros took the more daybed styled coon shape. He found it most comforting and it had easier access to the door without disturbing the others if the young troll was needed to help with Hope.

The girl’s side, they argued over the coon daybed, but in the end Feferi got it and Ana took the bunk. Karkat and Jade had been afraid that they would have to remove the third bed from the room if the girls had not come to an agreement.

As soon as the kids were settled in their new rooms they were also promptly put down for naps. Which after the long flight and the car ride, they did fall into with little argument.  Jade dropped her stuff in one of the downstairs rooms and went to start preparing food for later. She was wired while everyone else was starting to drag from jetlag and long flights.

Karkat sighed and watched Gamzee go into the other room with Hope. He had no hope of his own of being able to separate the larger troll from the human. They were already pretty much sharing a room back in their own home. Unlike with the rooms above there were only two beds in the lower rooms. One larger bed and a coon styled daybed like the kids had above. Flopping into the coon styled one Karkat settled and decided Jade could have the bigger one, this was perfect.

And he was out pretty quickly.

000

Jade went for something easy, she made sandwiches that could be stored in the frig and eaten whenever everyone was up. She poked her head into the rooms. Karkat was curled up looking much like one of the kids himself, which made her grin, and upstairs the children were all in various positions of ‘passed out’. Gamzee was curled around Hope in the room he claimed. He opened one eye and gave a low rumble, to which she had only stuck her tongue out at him.

But that made the larger troll break into a grin and Jade left them alone to rest. After making sure luggage was in the correct rooms she went to the one she was going to share with Karkat and pulling out her phone shot a message off to Sollux to pass onto the Highblood.

 _We got here safe asshole. Let the worrywart know._ She typed out and was surprised when there was a slight vibration in return fairly quickly.

_hehe wiill do._

She snorted at least there was only a couple hour time zone different, but she wondered if that guy ever slept sometimes. Jade didn’t bother replying, just set the phone aside and curled up on the large bed after she set her glasses with her phone.

000

Nightfall, Jade stayed with the children at the residence they had use of while Karkat took Gamzee, Hope and Tavros down to the hive.

This was a much more hidden location and very reminiscent of the old egg hive caverns. There was a fenced portion but unlike the ones built in the states no one had built any building over the tunnels. As things looked as well this was likely natural caves that were given new use. They saw a few vats of sopor slime being cultivated before they found the entrance to the hive.

No indigos or purples stood guard here either. Instead they were met at the entrance by a distracted looking Jade. Who stopped them.

“We don’t take human material.” The hive attendant started looking at the little group with confusion. More when he noticed the pupa with them.

“This is the Lusus Hope.” Karkat stated.

The attendant looked more confused for a moment before his face cleared up “OH! I am terribly sorry! YES! We were expecting you. Look, can she walk? I’m sorry but with security being a bit tight we can only let her and her pupa in. You two will have to wait outside.”

Gamzee started to bristle and growl but Karkat rested a hand on his arm “We can fucking wait, just she can’t walk and Tavros can’t carry her.”

The jade blooded troll came closer ignoring Gamzee’s posturing and growling as he shifted the wrappings around the pale and cold Hope.

“Wow, I’ve heard of rejections, but this is nasty. She’s lost in dreams. I wonder if she’s traveling someone’s dreambubble? It should be fascinating to hear about if she survives. I mean a human in a troll’s…” he trailed off finally realizing that Gamzee had gone from a warning growl to an outright snarl, the attendants eyes very large as the hassled troll finally realized the danger he put himself in.

Karkat rolled his eyes and smacked Gamzee in the head making the troll snap his head towards him and then with a blink he calmed himself. He was still not willing to release Hope, but finally did with another whack from Karkat who started calling him names until he grinned at his moirail and went off on some tangent  to distract his friend from his increasingly creative string of obscenities.

The Jade decided to call over someone else to carry the human, he was surprised when his call was answered by one of the Queens. The tall imposing blue blood who came into view. She was built in a way that made her look like she could take on Gamzee, or even the Highblood, and come out on top. Every inch of her corded muscle. She wasn’t with eggs at the moment so she was likely on a break cycle.

“Beleza!” the Jade said and then bowed to her as she waved him off. She was bedecked in silver. Semi and precious gems had been imbedded into her flesh in the form of a crown of her position. Her horns had been shaved and pigment dyed into them in patterns the tips capped with a white gold and a silvery and white gold corded chain hung between. Her dress was a simple silken blue shift that hung front and back with cords holding it in place. Her wrists and ankles covered in more jewelry. She wore no rings, nor did she bother with shoes.

“I can take the human Lusus to the egg chamber. The Mother will see her.” She said with a differential nod towards Gamzee, though being a Queen technically put her high enough in the caste to answer to none except the Empress.

But maybe being given a bit of regard from a Queen was what was needed to let Gamzee release his hold upon Hope. Handing over the human to the blue blood, who took the human as if she were holding something precious and fragile, which considering the strength of the blue bloods, it was very likely the case, he stepped back.

Tavros glanced up at Karkat who shooed the boy “You were told you could go with her, so go. Once of us should.”

Tavros nodded and went after, the blue Queen waited by the entrance and with another nod to the two trolls she disappeared into the hive with the human and young Pupa.

“Wonder why they didn’t let us go along?” Gamzee said flopping back against the rocky wall by the entrance.

“Likely security. Our Hive didn’t have as full a set up, no Queens for one just the mother grub and some attendants. So they needed more help. Plus this place is a lot more remote. I don’t think they need quite the security watches we needed in the states.”

Gamzee though paused and looked up “No, they got motherfucking security” he said and a head popped out glaring at them.

“…. NEPETA?” Karkat stared in shock. He thought she’d died. Everyone thought she’d died.

But there she was, the olive blooded troll clung to the rockface above them, long claws attached to her hands and a look of murder in her eyes.

“You god damn fucker!” she lept down.

After Gamzee.

Who stepped to the side and avoided her lung. His face gone cold.

“Wha-Wait! NEPETA!” Karkat reached out to try and grab the cat like feral before she lunged again, but missed her.

“You nearly killed me and then left me there! YOU KILLED TAVROS!” She went in after Gamzee and the other just kept dodging back out of the way. But his eyes were taking on a reddish color.

“Fucking SHIT woman!” And Karkat dove tackling the crazed troll from behind before she could trigger a murderous rage in Gamzee.

She yowled and then began hissing and spitting curses at Karkat. Who after long practice taking down Gamzee could keep her down. Gamzee for his part backed off and left the region. Walking off towards the nearby beach for the time being. Leaving Karkat to take care of the angry troll.

At the moment, Karkat was both glad for since it would give him a better chance of calming her down, and pissed as fuck for being left alone to deal with this mess.

How does one deal with a troll he once thought dead and was suddenly very much alive and….

He wasn’t sure how she managed to get her knee between his legs when he’d pinned her legs at the ankles with the way he’d held his knees and ankles over her own legs. But suddenly one of her legs was free and he was seeing stars in the most painful way possible.

“God damn fuck….” He wheezed refusing to release his hold as his head fell down by her shoulder. She turned her head and was pulling on his hair with her teeth. All she could reach at the moment. He at least kept his head turned so she couldn’t try ripping off one of his ears.

By the time he got his breath back, she had gone still and was just glaring at him. He sat back his hands locked on her wrists to keep her from using her claws on him. Either her natural ones or the set of metal ones polished to an eerie blue.

At least he was sitting on her now and she wasn’t likely to be able to kick him again. She could kick her knee into his back all she wanted he wasn’t budging.

“Calm down!”

Finally the young troll began to calm, to stop struggling and she stared up at him with a gaze that twisted his blood pump. “Nepeta, the kitten eyes are not going to work right now. I know you just want to get up and go after Gamzee again.”

Her olive eyes narrowed and her face darkened then she was snarling curses at him. Yep, he nailed it.

“He killed everyone..”

“Only a few.”

“He killed Tavros!”

“that was my fault. I am sorry, and I am more sorry he hurt you. I thought… ” Karkat took a breath lowering his head “I thought you were dead too, and I just, I hid. I hid away instead of stopping him. I could of, and after it was over I kept him calm, but it’s my fault. I got scared, and I failed everyone. Letting one of my best friends go crazy… He didn’t mean to hurt Tav though Nepeta. It was accidental. He was starting to lose it and I hid away instead of standing up to my responsibilities, Tavros was trying to do the work of two quadrants and he was never very good at take downs. Gamzee had hit him before he even knew he was there. That was what made him loose it Nepeta. Tavros’ death.”

She went quiet. Staring up at Karkat, biting her lip “I… was in bad shape” she whispered, “I crawled away… he ripped off my tail…” her words soft. Shaking. Karkat glanced up at her and saw her reliving the fear “no one came for me. They found me after we landed, feverish, hurt, I was nearly culled if not for the human rescue crew. They got me medical, and” she looked away “I came here, because it was as far as my money would take me. I… never wanted to see him again.” She closed her eyes tightly “One of the Queens found me when they were setting up this hive. They brought me here and I’ve been working ever since. Part of the defense core.”

Karkat looked around “And why are they not here then?” he was wondering now if he had to worry about either Gamzee taking them all out for fun or if he’d end up with a bullet in the think pan.

She grumped “because they told me if I insisted on going after Gamzee they were not going to save me. Since he’s second to the Grand Highblood.”

Karkat didn’t want to relax, but he did. So no one was shooting him then. Gamzee’s position likely carried benefits over to his moirail, since few would likely be wanting to upset someone of Gamzee’s rank and noted viciousness.

“Why is it that after what he did he goes on like nothing happened?” she suddenly cried and Karkat sighed. First removing her claws them shifting back which let the other troll sit up.

And she wrapped her arms around him and started to howl into his shoulder. He hugged her tightly in return.

“It hasn’t, been like that” he told her softly. “I’m sorry I did not look for you. I’m sorry that I failed you too. I failed all of us.”

And he held her tightly. Petting back her hair and wondering when she lost her silly hat and long green coat.

She’d changed, like they all had. He just hoped he could make things up to her.

000

Tavros followed the Queen down into the hive. This one was a lot different than the one he pupated in. It was darker for one thing, not as much of the lichen growing near the entrance. And there were no doored off chambers, nor any toys.

“Did you guys hear about the toys?” he asked looking up at the Queen who carried his Hope. She glanced down at him.

“We are still a traditional facility here.” She responded “Stay close, any Lusii in the area will not attack a Queen but they might still go after a pupa who’s lusus is weak.”

The boy gave a shudder and grabbed hold of the Queen’s back skirt to keep himself close to her. She glanced at him with amusement but continued on.

“You have some healing skill.” She said as they finally began to reach areas were the walls were covered in the glowing lichen. No grubs to be seen and only the glowing golden orbs of a few random Lusii watching from the shadows.

Tav decided he really much preferred their Hive and was glad that he had been hatched there, and more glad that he had gotten Hope so early. Because this place was scary, and put him on edge. If he had to come back he was bringing one of the juggling pins. He really did not like being unarmed in this place.

The young one half jumped when he heard a sickening scream of an angry grub and then silence.

This was not a nice place for grubs he decided. No toys, or adults protecting them. He had a feeling that the grubs in this place would be a lot meaner. They would have to be, just to survive long enough to pupate.  And the lack of protection meant the meaner Lusus who were not really interested in taking care of a young troll and just wanted to kill things also crowding more into this place.

And this was traditional? Tav had a feeling the survival rate of this place was not good, and being there were so few hives available to the water dwellers, also explained why their numbers were so much smaller than the land dwelling trolls.

He realized that the Queen was waiting for him to respond to her statement “Um, I guess? I really don’t know what it is I do.”

“Mental healer, likely only brought to power because of your Lusus’ need. We have another Jade here who has a similar skill and we will introduce you.” She told him “You can at least get some basic training.”

Training, like, teaching? Tavros rather liked that idea. If he could actually know what he was doing, perhaps he could be able to do more for Hope? And if he got teaching, would that mean that he could even help others? That would be really cool.

But this time the Queen didn’t seem to expect an answer, so he just remained silent.

When they got closer to the egg chambers Tav relaxed marginally. More adults were wandering about. Mostly Jade blooded trolls, but periodically an olive or other color who were among the attendants, mostly in aid to the Jades.

He also saw a couple lit side chambers that held bedecked female trolls like the one he walked with. A crossed the hemospectrum. He noticed that the central chamber they were circling had at least a half dozen of these lit rooms and another dozen or so that had occupants but were not lit. They had so many Queens, but could not spare one for their hive that had been blown up?

He kept his thoughts to himself just watching at they came around to the entrance to the entrance and he saw the Mothergrub.

She was, beautiful. Like a lunar moth, with luminescent wings. He wondered if she ever was allowed to fly with those wings? She looked up at him and while there was no expression, something in her large golden orbs felt, kindly. He let go of the Queen and was before the mothergrub, his arms outstretched, and before anyone could stop, the grab reached out and pulled him close against the softness of her feathery fur. She made a soft chittering sound and much like when Sirius purred, he had a feeling of safety and protection.

And she sang to him.

It was a sound he could never duplicate but it was so, beautiful.

Heart achingly so.

There was so much there he did not understand but under it was things he could. She never was allowed to fly.

He hugged her and found himself taking that feeling when they were in the plane, so recent a memory. There was no air under his body or other things he’d been reading about in books from the library, but there was that weightlessness, the pressure the way the plane banked around the clouds and the images he kept with him from staring outside entranced until Hope’s condition and his worry stole that happiness from him.

But he gave that to the Mothergrub. Gave it and everything else his mind could conjure up. She clicked and purred aprecitively and released him, he felt his feet touch the ground gently as she lowered him back down.

Then she clicked and held out her insect like arms. Taking Hope from the Queen, bringing her as close as she had brought Tav. Closer as she rested her head upon Hope’s and closed those beautiful eyes. A strange sound came and he realized that the Mothergrub was singing again, but the undercurrent was Hope’s voice.

A hand laid on Tav’s shoulder and he looked up at a smiling face of one of the attendants. “She’ll be fine.” He said softly to the boy “Come, Tavros Newell is it?”

Tav nodded and let the adult lead him from the chamber. Several Queens were watching the scene between mothergub and human-lusus. Tav was led to another side chamber that came out to another large chamber with rooms off it. There were other trolls here, lounging on scattered furniture or large pillows, some stood, others were eating in little groupings.

“We’ll go to my private chambers” the troll he was with told him and led him to another set of rooms. It was like a whole house. Or at least a very comfortable set of apartments. A large round room that had a spiraling ramp that made Tav think that he was on the inside of a shell. A colorful wall of glass was back lit giving the room a very warm friendly feel. There was even a garden. The whole ceiling was giving a warm glow as well.

If Tav had to live underground for the rest of his life, this would actually be very nice to come back to.

“One of the perks of this job, they do let us design our own accommodations. We get some space limits but well that just means you have to get creative.” The toll laughed and walked to a circle of chairs around a coral like structure that was lit up and had a piece of glass sitting on top of it making it into a very interesting looking coffee table. He sat down so Tav took that as a cue that he should as well. Sitting a crossed from the other.

“I am afraid I do not keep much to drink that would be suitable for one your age.” He apologized.

“Water is good.” Tavros responded.  He was nervous enough that he’d rather have one of Gamzee’s faygos. Maybe when they got back to the house he could beg one off the adult.

“Right” the troll bounced to his feet and soon came back with a tall tumblr of ice water and another drink for himself. It smelled strongly of booze. Tav couldn’t place which one, it was very interesting but didn’t smell like anything they had at the house or that the other adults would have on their breath when they came home from Trillians some nights.

The other troll took a drink and set the glass down and sighed “Well it’s going to be a bit in there. The Mothergrub will have a lot of sorting to go through to help your Lusus, let alone she has to figure out just what the other Mothergrub had done.”

Tav nodded. Still silent. The other adult leaned back in the seat and picked bits of imaginary lint from his green robes, “Yeah, um… Well I’m Vierge. You seem to be developing a few healing abilities from what I’ve been told. It’s a rare ability.” He gave the boy a grin.

“I seem to be some sort of mental healer form what everyone says.” Tavros verified.

“Likely it focused itself because of the danger your Lusus was in. Being what was going on with her is all in her head so to speak.” He responded with a rather sad pun that made the boy stare at him.

Then Tav snorted and the adult looked happy.

“Let’s see if we can see what the extent and direction of your power shall we?”

So while Hope was being cared for by the Mothergrub, Tav got his first lesson in controlling the power he had.

000

Author notes: Right, just to add again since it’s been awhile. THESE ARE POSTED IN THE RAW. I do very little to them other than a cursory inspection for some spelling, grammar and any glaring errors. If you spot an error just remember, there is a pile of beta’d work I just haven’t gotten a chance to upload. (Since I have to put back the titles, and notes and all that fun extra stuff as well as compare the old and new files and … work work work lol)

Artwork and side dabble fics, more info on the world of this AU from myself and various fanworks can be found on the tumblr page. Relearning2breath . tumblr . com and stillbreathiing . tumblr . com

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for chapter artwork. If you would like to be a featured chapter artist let me know! I would love to have the help.


	4. Still Breathing

_Still Breathing_

_Act 3_

_Chapter 4_

_Eventful Meetings_

**000**

Note: 

As always for further world information, bonus art, fanworks and stories and to ask questions of the cast or myself please visit my tumblrs. With relearning2breath . tumblr . com (no spaces of course) or for the dabble and art visit stillbreathiing . tumblr . com (and yes that’s 2 I’s in breathing)

**000**

Tavros sat at the table sipping on a soda and picking at his food. Hope was showing signs of improvement.

Sort of.

She began to act, well almost more like a lusus. Sirius said that it seemed the Mothergrub was sorting her out by suppressing parts of her and bringing out other bits of whatever was layered. Trying to find the memories of the prior Mothergrub.

But it seemed that one was hiding, not wanting to leave Hope.

In a way, Tav could understand, it would be a lot like dying wouldn’t it?

But it meant his Mom was not really there right now. There was a smiling creature who cuddled him, purred and sang and stroked his hair. Who didn’t seem to recognize anyone else and was breaking Gamzee’s heart.

There was a troll, who seemed to want to cuddle Karkat like the Lusus wanted Tavros.  One who spoke in a kindly manor but seemed to be, lost, somehow. Staring down at her hands and into the mirror as if she was trying to recognize the person there staring back.

And somewhere there was Hope. His Mom and Gamzee’s other half.

Tavros really wanted this to end soon, to be able to have his Mom back, always. Not this splitting of personalities into different people. The Troll was kind, but not his Mom, the Lusus was attentive but hardly human, and he wasn’t use to a lusus like Ana and Eridan were. He always had a human mother.

They were very different creatures.

He pushed his food out of the way and flopped his head into the folds of his arms on the tabletop. The other kids were all outside swimming with Sirius and the Seahorse Lusus, (No one had gotten a name from him. Even Sirius said he refused to give up a name to him. But he couldn’t ‘talk’ to Eridan like Sirius could talk to Ana. So the seadweller couldn’t get a name from him either. So he just called him ‘Dad’) he was inside, Gamzee was currently trying to interest Hope in a game. The woman was curled up beside him on the couch. She seemed only half there. But Gamzee kept trying.

Tav was glad of that, because he had no energy anymore. Between his cram sessions of lessons in the Hive with the others tending the Mothergrub.

But Tavros was also not so sure about the place. Aside from the face he never went unarmed there anymore. (There had been no attacks as of yet. Most Lusus will respect a Queen, especially Beleza, who was able to crack glass with a flick of her pinkie.) There just seemed, too many Queens and attendants. Well he really didn’t know much about the other hives, but he remembered the adults talking about how hard it was finding replacement  Queens for their destroyed hive, and with the need for Seadweller compatable egg hives, they had no choice but to rebuild.

But he counted over the last week sixteen queens, most of whom were not even with egg, and there were more Queen doors for housing around the Mothergrub chamber.

And Vierge told him about the numbers of support for the Queens and staff at this hive.

The numbers, seemed oddly, high, for an egg hive in comparison to everyone else crying that they needed more help. Hell, when their new hive was done they currently had only the mothergrub, a troll named Kanaya who agreed to turn early and one attendant, a human named Lucy.

A Human was going to be tending to the Mothergrub, because everyone said they had no one to spare.

And according to Vierge they had no less than ten attendants per each Queen, the Mothergrub had twenty plus the Queens. Then there were the others from the various security and such who wandered the premises.

So not counting grubs and lusus, there was some three hundred trolls in one place.

And Jade bloods were not that common, let alone males like Vierge and Tavros were very rare. Tav had only met two others, and both of them where at this hive.

“You seem lost in thought, lessons tough?” Jade asked taking a chair next to Tavros. The boy looked up at her from his arm fold and sighed.

Sitting back he reached up to chew on his thumb nail. It was a bad habit, sharp troll teeth tended to wear things ragged, and his nail was showing signs of suffering for his chewing habits. Maybe he should ask for some gum or something?

“They are.. OK, I’m trying to stuff as Vierge says ‘years into days’ so its bound to be hard sometimes. That’s not what’s bothering me though.”  He admitted, maybe telling an adult about some of the things he’d been seeing might help.

“Oh?” Karkat came over pulling a bottled something from the frig that when he popped the cap smelled of fermented adult stuff. Thus no interest to Tavros.

“It’s the hive, there are… well a lot of Queens there. I mean, I met 16….. Karkat?” Tavros blinked and Jade jumped when there was a crash. Even Gamzee came to see what was going on.

The other troll had turned the bottle in his hand and broke it on the counter. “You counted how many Tavros?” his voice was calm, but red was showing around his contacts and Tavros felt himself retreating into his chair. He’d never thought he would ever be scared of Karkat, who yelled a lot but never raised a hand against the kids for more than a light slap up the side of the head if they were about to do something stupid.

But at the moment he looked as if he was about to murder someone and didn’t know who.

“Um, well, I counted 16, but there could be more.. And Vierge told me that each queen had 10 attendants and there were twenty for the Mothergrub.” Tavros got it out as fast as he could before his voice faded to nothing.

Karkat grabbed up his phone and left the room. But they could all hear him screaming through the walls.

“GET THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE CLOWN ON THE PHONE!” he shouted.

Gamzee looked at the other two and Tavros could only stare back with very wide eyes.

Jade coughed “Well, so is that all that’s bothering you?” she asked.

“SIXTEEN! FUCKING SIXTEEN QUEENS WHEN EVERYONE ELSE BEEN MAKING DUE WITH LESS THAN A HALF DOZEN? LET ALONE THE EUROPE HIVE ONLY HAS THREE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A MOTHERGRUB!”

“um, well…” Tavros swallowed “I mean, it just seemed weird that they have so many but well, I only saw two of them doing anything other than laying about or tending the Mothergrub. And, they don’t have any toys, Beleza told me that they were a traditional hive, but… The lusus there are scary! Most of them just come to kill the grubs!” the boy shuddered remembering seeing the little maroon grub who had been cornered by a pair of lusus.

He’d hoped maybe the little one would have managed to beat one or something, but when they left all that had been in that spot was a long stain along the wall and floor. The sweet smell of troll blood in the air and the clicking laughter of lusus nearby. He heard so many screams, they were starting to haunt his dreams at night.

Gamzee gave a disgusted snort. Jade looked up at him.

“Traditional, meaning they turn away a good portion of those who come seeking to pass on their genetics with their motherfucking partners. It was in a way a form of population control back on our homeworld but right now we are just trying to build our numbers. Turning any troll away is motherfucking stupidity.”

“The lusus are really mean too. I think many just come to kill grubs because they like it.”

Gamzee rubbed his head “I’ll be back, going to go tell Sirius and Eridan’s annoying fish to keep the kids from wandering off. If we got phsyco lusus and likely trolls, running about this area we want to keep our  guard up.”  He headed outside.

Jade patted Tav’s shoulder “You did right telling us.” She told him kissing his forehead.

She got up as well, getting a gun and calmly loading the weapon.

Tavros got up and went to the other room. Hope was stretched out on a couch sleeping it seemed. He went to her side and stroked back her hair humming softly.

She trilled and grinned at him. Opening sleepy eyes. Pulling his head close she half purred and rested her head against his own. He purred back at her and sighed. It was just strange hearing her making sounds that were such a close approximation of the sounds a lusus made to its young.

“Mom….” He said softly resting his head against her chest and she wrapped her arms around him, humming that it would all be ok.

He wasn’t so sure of that.

**000**

“Right, so The Highblood said that for the moment we keep what we know to ourselves. Keep a closer eye on things and any evidence we can find we can bring back with us. As soon as we’re out of this place he’ll come down with the rest of the district highbloods and come down on this place like a ton of bricks.” Karkat was telling the group. They all sat together in the livingroom. The kids all sat on the floor together.

For they were all going to be taking a tour of the hive soon.

Feferi being the Empress had a right to see the Hive, because of her situation she and Eric couldn’t be separated for that long. Eridan was Prince and thus held a position similar to Feferi’s, thus he would be allowed.

Tavros was still taking lessons and had to go with Hope and in the end, well all the adults felt that having Ana there and armed to the teeth with Sirius backing her was more than a good idea considering the situation and this hive’s lack of progression. Jade would be happier if she could go with her son, but she was not on the book as a Lusus thus had no rights to demand anything. And while Feferi likely could make demands herself, it was better to not antagonize the situation and just trust the kids could handle themselves.

“You should see if you can get anything from Nepeta.” Gamzee commented to Karkat.  He was lounged back in the couch stroking Hope’s hair. She seemed to be more herself at the moment with the way she was hugging her knees, but she also hadn’t a clue what they were talking about at the moment.

“I’ll try, but she’s still dead set on killing you Gamzee.”

“Not interested in a kismesis.” He said in boredom.

Karkat just slapped his forehead and looked towards the ceiling “I highly doubt she’d touch you anyway.” He informed his friend.

“Can we carry on before you two devolve into insults?” Jade said politely.

Gamzee just chuckled at her and she flipped him off.

Karkat held up his hand to forestall anything more “Right, so we’ll check every avenue we can. Jade,  if you will, check in town. Find out what the humans think of this hive, Gamzee and I will be talking with the trolls. You guys” and he looked at the kids “Will be invading the hive from the inside since beside you Hope, Sirius and Eri’s Dad are all that’s allowed inside.”

“Yeah, and my dad isn’t much for talking.” Eri said with a sigh. He was still a good sort, just not very talkative and rather temperamental at times. While he could leave the water he tended to prefer to stay there. Eridan didn’t blame him, he seemed to have some of the same issues Eridan did for seeing on land. Worse likely with as many times as he would dip back down into the water. Sirius suggested that if he used a light harness he could help direct his dad when he had to be out of the water.

Eridan felt a little weird about the idea of putting a rope on his dad, but even his dad agreed it wouldn’t be too bad an idea.

They would likely work out the details of how to communicate. Ana spoke up suddenly “Sirius says that Eri’s dad says he’ll talk with any of the other sea dwelling Lusii in the area.”

Karkat nodded and then sighed “Well kids, time to go.” The sun was sinking over the horizon, so it was time to all head out for their various places and see what they could dig up. Everything they got over the next week or so would be gathered together and sent to the Grand Highblood to present before the other trolls in charge of the other districts.

Several districts that wanted hives and had not been able to get one because of lack of resources would be most interested in this news, and those with hives would also be interested as they desperately needed the help to give their own current Queens breaks. Before the strain either killed them or sent them into their lusus states early.

Until the population as stable they needed them to help them survive. While thousands of eggs were laid in a year, half of them died. Then another half or more died before they even pupated. More died as they tried to pupate, and a few more died shortly after pupation. And that was without lusus or other trolls killing them. Of pupas who actually made it to adult hood from any given hive was little more than a handful. From their old world they were fine with the low numbers. Between the longer lived highbloods and the lusus available to care for a young grub, (as more trolls died before reaching their lusus stage, as well as those who die before they can complete the change. Since like the changes seen between a grub becoming a troll, a troll to a lusus was just as extreme a change.) there had to be a way to sort and choose. Among the higher bloods forcing little grubs to battle each other or even their proposed lusus was often the way of things. The lower bloods didn’t have to fight but their numbers were kept in check because of the violence of their culture. How little rights the low bloods had.

Then thanks to their prior Empress the mutations that showed up were weeded out and either shunned until they were unable to provide their buckets for the drones, or were found and killed before that.

Most lusus did not even bother taking a mutant blood as their charge. As often they would be killed right along with their little one if discovered.

Jade headed down to town, one assumed that Eridan’s Lusus went for a swim to see if he could locate anyone.

Gamzee gave support to Hope. The kids walked together and Karkat walked along with Sirius, his hand resting on the large shaggy head as they seemed to be in a deep conversation that was utterly silent on both their parts.

They reached the entrance. The jade blood Vierge was waiting for them and smiled brightly.

“Vierge, this is Feferi, Eric, Eridan , Anatol and Sirius.” The boy introduced his friends.

Vierge bowed to them “It is such a pleasure to have so many esteemed visitors.” He told them and led the children in. Sirius walking along behind, his long tail swishing lazily, Hope had been placed up on his back and was curled up looking small and vulnerable.

Gamzee watched until they turned a corner and were out of his view.

Then he leaned against the entrance and waited.

Karkat went around the side to a small clearing, someone had set up a picnic table and a couple chairs. He could see a few of the very small Lusii hanging around.

He sat at the table and heard the soft steps as someone came up behind him.

Then Nepeta sat down beside him. “Hey,” he said softly.

She made a soft murr sound in response but said nothing. Just sitting down and clasping her hands together on the table top.

Karkat coughed and tried to think of something to say to the other “So, do you have a place in the hive?” he asked finally.

She shook her head “I live down in the town.” She responded “Only tendants live in the Hive, space issues.”

“Really? Cause I know our hive before it got blown up, we had people rattling around in it. And the new one not going to be smaller.” He told her.

She blinked “Huh, well with near 300, I sometimes wonder how there is room for the grubs here.”

“Really, that many? I wonder how they got them.” He said softly and leaned on crossed arms. He wanted to grill her, but he didn’t want to push her.

“Karkat, what you trying to get at?” she asked him “You are really bad at being subtle.”

He slapped his forehead and sighed “Fuck, well yeah I got asked to get a few numbers, because we have hives currently functioning with less than a dozen attendants and maybe at most a half Dozen Queens, the only other hive with a Mothergrub only has three Queens.”

The girl went still and blinked “… and has there been a call?”

“The Grand Highblood will have to push a troll into her lusus state because we’re sure she’ll become a Mothergrub, because there are no other Queens and everyone, including here, claimed that they had none to spare.”

“oh.” Her voice was soft and she stared down at her hands. Deep in thought “That’s, wrong. An overworked Queen could seriously hurt herself.”

“Or die, and we can’t afford to lose anymore, our species depends upon being able to successfully repopulate.”

Nepeta closed her lips and stared down at her hands. “Just, how bad?” she asked.

“Five egg hives with only 3 to 6 Queens. And now, only one other Mothergrub. In a couple years time, as long as nothing goes wrong we will have a third again.”

Nepeta was just, quiet. Then she pulled out a notebook, flipping through a few pages Karkat could see doodles in diamonds and hearts, so it seemed some things never changed. She still had her shipping wall.

He was glad for that. As she came to a clean page she pulled out the small snub of a pencil stuck into the spiral cage of the notebook and began jotting notes. Ripping it out she handed it to him.

He looked down at it and blinked.

She just gave him all the numbers. Sizes of the security, the attendants, how many volunteers came in and the exact number of Queens in this hive.

“ _Twenty- five_?” he said and looked at her “There are fucking twenty-five Queens?”

She nodded “Only 4 are currently working, 6 more are on their rest cycle, the rest only work when they want to or a highblood comes in who doesn’t have a partner.”

Karkat just blinked at her, feeling part of himself twitch. “15 Queens who are being .. saved… and are not working AT ALL?”

She gave a nod. “By order of our district Highblood.” She told him. “Beleza is pretty pissed about it actually. She’s the most vocal, but she’s also one of those saved for ‘specials’ because of her caste and strength.”

He had to remember who that was, and then he recalled the blue blood. They had met her the first day and since then he’d seen her talking sometimes with Gamzee.

Gamzee’s position would have been ideal for her to service and get some work if it was what she wanted. After all no district ruler could say the second of another district was not ‘special’ enough according to the old ways.

Karkat just knew that Gamzee had little interest at the moment aside from Hope. But that was a dead relationship in terms of another generation.

But they had the blessing of the Highblood.

He rather felt sorry for Beleza, if she was attempting to chat up another troll just to get herself some work. Or, she could be a spy?

He would have to talk to Gamzee about what he talked with Beleza about.

Nepta though was looking at her notebook and then said softly “When you head back, I’ll.. go with you.”

Karkat looked sideways at her “If it’s to go after Gamzee?” he started. She shook her head.

“I’m a Queen.”

Karkat felt his jaw unhinge and decide it was most likely not going to ever close again.

**000**

 

 

 


	5. You Spin Me Right Round

Still Breathing

Chapter 5

You Spin Me Right Round

**000**

Notes:

Past that, currently spending time either trying to do some drawings and getting paid work (art and writing) done as well.

The art is easier to get to, but looking for some more chapter art. I’m thinking of opening up for other artists to do a few scenes from the story. Just because I have well over 30 chapters between the two stories plus the dabbles to illustrate.

**000**

“A Queen?” Karkat managed to stammer sounding shocked. “But…”

“I didn’t know that we where that desperate. So, I just kept it to myself. I didn’t need the position or the headache. There is no more room here and, well, I was afraid they would send me back to the other hive, and thus in the same area as Gamzee.” She stared at her hands, clenched before her until her fingers paled.

Karkat reached over and took her hands in his own, “And now?”

“You need the help. No one knows yet still, so if I just go with you and then announce they cannot try to claim me here.” The olive blood pointed out.

Karkat paused, she had a point. “But what about Gamzee?”

She gave a bit of a growl and then sighed “I… still hate him, and I think I always will, but watching him with that human. “ she sighed and her face softened, “He’s, trying to find redemption like the rest of us. And for him he has made her his. So, maybe it’s time I quit hiding.”

She looked up and then paused. Feeling like something inside her suddenly broke.

Karkat was smiling at her.

When they were young she tried so hard to get a smile from him. The most she could manage was a snort of amusement. He would yell and bluster and yet would take time to pick her up and dust her off.

So many pages in her little notebook, even now, were dedicated to him.

And for the first time, she saw that smile. One he wore so seldom, and it was directed at her. She felt her lip quiver and he just leaned over, pulling her close and stroking her hair. Making calming sounds as she felt the tears come again.

Why did she always end up like this? Crying like a pupa who lost their lusus whenever he was near?

But she gave into the tears as he told her she was brave. Wonderful. All the things she had only dreamed of him saying to her.

She wondered what happened to have made him so much less guarded? He had always been kind when they were young. Pretending he was not but he had been the kindest person she’d ever known.  Always trying to push others away though as if something scared him.

And now, that fear was gone.

What changed? Was it that human? She felt a pang of jealousy. Was it some sort of pale infidelity?

Ok, well that was kind of cool, like a trashy troll romance. A highblood seeking the affections of another and his Moirail ends up becoming Moirails with the Highblood’s choice.

Her tears dried up as she found her mind trailing all the possibilities and her fingers itching to add this to her shipping book.

“So… Just what is your relationship with this human turned Lusus?”

Karkat suddenly started laughing “No, I have not been committing Pale Infidelity, I know just what you are thinking. Hope, is… Well I guess the closest thing is she’s kind of the human concept of ‘family’. We have Gamzee, Hope, Jade, and Myself and then there are the kids and Eridan’s lusus and Sirius.” He told her “its kind of weird, but it works. I, haven’t felt this happy in a long time.” He admitted to her as she sat up. He hunted about his pockets and found a pocket pack of tissues. Likely for one of the kids. He handed it to her and she took out a couple to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

“Jade?”

“Another human. She’s the mother of Eric”

“Oh that human boy who’s changed the humans status.”

He nodded “He willingly gave his life to save the Empress. Binding them together.”

“But, I thought that humans, well they are not overly long lived.” She said.

“We are not sure who’s lifespan she has, her own or his, but for the time being she is alive and she is our hope for bringing the trolls all together.”

“To stop another Orphaner?” she asked.

He nodded “Yes.” He leaned his elbows on the tabletop and rested his chin against his clasped hands “And other things. We hope that her close attachment to the human will be what we need to help bridge the gap between humans and trolls. That she will be able to bring the peace and change we need to survive on this world.”

“But you also have the Prince, you think it will be an issue?”

“The three of them seem to be forming a tight relationship. At the moment, all pale.”

Pushing back some of her hair Nepeta whistled. A triad? Particularly tight triads were incredibly rare. A trolls naturally violent and jealous nature usually precluded such things. But, if the Empress was forming a triad…

That would open so many possibilities! Not just for her own little book and personal entertainment, but for all troll relationships (As the legends of Disciple and Sufferer had once launched so many romantic ideals), let alone the new position this had created, and the first human position among the troll castes! An Heir! It was all exciting. She wondered if the new position was going to change troll cinema. The current filming locations were all human, but a couple troll studios were starting up.

On top of it all, she’d been watching every time they had come, and she had always watched Gamzee so close. At first because of her fear and hatred of him, but then…

She could not help but notice the way he watched the human/lusus. It was like one of the films she use to watch back on their home world. A tragic story that pointed out the differences in lifespan. A highblood falling in love with a low blood and just how little time they had with each other. Let alone if the lowblood was able to make it to their lusus stage, the changes inside them, often meant that they were incapable of feeling as they once did. Some stayed together, even then, the Highblood would look after, protect and care for their prior quadrantmate.

She still recalled one story that was her favorite of a low maroon blood who’s black crush became instead her matesprit, and how she changed into a lusus and he remained, watching over her always. It had been so very tragic and beautiful. All because she had tried to rescue another troll who’d lost all his emotions and she had been the Maiden who could give them back. Taking the shattered pieces from others were they had tried to find homes.

It had all been quite interesting. She wished she could find a copy, but she never brought her own dvds with her when they had all loaded hastily into the ships and she had not met anyone else who had that particular series either.

Karkat was giving her an amused look and she looked down realizing she’d been sketching in her book, furiously adding all the various combinations that had been coming to mind while she’d been thinking.

She blushed greatly “Um…”

“It’s alright.” He said smiling as he leaned on his elbow “If you didn’t periodically go off on one of your quadrant ships I would think something was seriously wrong with you.”

She snorted and bumped him in an attempt to knock him off the seat.

So he half fell which made her laugh and when he righted himself he bumped her back.

This made her giggle and with a happy purr she attacked her friend.

“NEPETA!”

**000**

Gamzee wasn’t surprised when the Queen Beleza came by, that female was itching for eggs. It was almost lusus like her desire for young was, but then she’d watched a few humans with the same desire as even though all females were possible lusus among humans, there had been females with no desire and even males who’s desire for young was even stronger than the females.

It had all been a fascinating thing to observe. Even if half the time he loose track and forget.  It was not nearly as bad as when he was younger and still on the Sopor.

With a sigh he let his mind blank out, not wanting to be caught too off guard as she leaned against the wall next to him.

“I’ll say it now, No.” he told her before she could even speak.

He felt sorry for her when she sagged then gave him a dirty look “You could have at least waited until I asked.”

He shook his head “If you are that desperate, you could always go after Karkat. The fucker never done his duty far as I know.”

She raised a brow “He seems perfectly amenable, but with the grey eyes and small horns I cannot tell what his blood color is, and I’m not allowed anything less than my own blood color.”

Gamzee chuckled “Well his recently took a few steps up.” He told her.

Wide deep blue eyes turned and looked at him “he’s… red?”

“The most beautiful fucking candy apple red you have ever laid eyes on.”

“How has he lived this long?”

Gamzee shrugged “Miracles and timing.”

She paused and seemed to be considering this new development. “I am pretty sure our district leader would consider it blasphemous. She’s, pretty vocal about her opinions.”

“This is by the Empress’ choice, the district Highbloods get no say.” Gamzee reminded her.

“That is true, it’s just,” she sighed “I apologize Highblood, I should not be bothering you with my personal problems.

Gamzee frowned at her, “You are a Queen, higher than even the District Highblood in position. No one can tell you what to do. Except your Mothergrub and the Empress.”

She wrapped her arms around herself “How it’s meant to be, but, I am actually fairly new to this and well, I was discovered on the ships.” The shudder that traveled her skin made Gamzee soften towards her.

He could imagine. Her status would have protected her, but that would not have stopped other horrors from happening to her.

And he knew of worse things than death.

“Did you hear about the call for Queens? Our Hive was blown up, we’ll be having a new Mothergrub, but well, so far no Queens, and only one Attendant.” He told her watching for her reaction out of the corner of his eye.

And her expression of shock said clearly she had not heard.

“Only one Attendant?”

“A human.” He told her “She and the troll that offered to become the Mothergrub are, I guess, moirails, and the human is a Null.”

“But, only ONE? We have, so many here! And a human! I thought you were ridiculous for allowing a human lusus, but seeing this human Hope and the jade blood Tavros, I amended my thoughts on that, but to have a human attend to the mothergrub? We ourselves surely could have spared at least twenty for a proper entourage!”

Gamzee gave a shrug “According to your Highblood you guys had no one to spare.”

“Really?” Beleza’s expression turned incredibly dark. And he could almost hear the creaking of her bones as her hands clenched.

Gamzee hid his grin. Yes, he had a feeling this desperate to work Queen would feel very strongly. “Of course, if you did not mind giving some information. The other District Highbloods would very much enjoy an excuse to help you and your fellow Queens.”

The Queen was quiet and leaned against the wall, lost in thought.

Karkat came around the corner with Nepeta, the two of them laughing. He glanced at them and saw from the animated way they were talking they had likely moved onto disgussion about rom coms or other such relationship focused things. Gamzee found himself grinning.

Then nearly laughing when suddenly Beleza pushed herself from the wall and marched over to Karkat. She stared down at him silently her arms crossed.

The smaller troll blinked up at her and both he and the olive blooded Nepeta went quiet.

Then picking him up by the back of his shirt Beleza threw him over her shoulder and went marching into the hive. Nepeta’s eyes were the size of saucers and Gamzee dissolved into laughter.

“What the... FUCK! What are you doing? Put me down! Hey... wait... Beleza? Wha-FUCK!”

Nepeta stared at Gamzee in confusion and he was attempting to get himself under control “I informed her of Karkat’s change in position in the caste orders. I think she has decided to get herself some work before anyone can tell her no.”

The other’s mouth formed a silent ‘oh’ and then she giggled. “Oh dear, this…” and she suddenly took off “I need to make sure she doesn’t break him!”

“She’ll break something alright.” Gamzee grinned. Highblood had spoken a few times of wanting to make sure some of Karkat moved onto another generation. So, Gamzee just ensured it.

And he was pretty sure his best friend would enjoy this a bit better than some of the Highblood’s suggestions.

**000**

Ana’s club dripped with colored blood. She stood over the little group of grubs, her teeth bared and eyes wide with crazed rage. Giving her a raucous smile stretching her face.

“You shouldn’t be…” Vierge had started before the child had dove into the group of lusus who had surrounded a few low blood grubs.

But Ana dove in, and where she had gone her own Lusus had followed. Leaving the male Jade blood holding the fuzzily blinking Hope.

“um..” he looked about himself helplessly. He was just to lead the children, no one told him they were going to start attacking the lusus over a handful of grubs.

“I do not condone the wonton waist of life. Our numbers are small enough without phsycotic trolls and our elders claiming their blood thirsty natures is condonable just because the child is helpless.” She turned very cold eyes upon the Attendant and Vierge gulped and went down to his knees, head bowed.

He had met the prior Empress once, and at the moment this child had the same look. The look that said if she was not made happy.

The world would suffer.

Eridan took aim with his gun and the blast of rifle was heard and echoed. Another lusus fell.

“Good shot Eri.” Eric said his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Maybe it was his connection to Feferi, or that over the last few months the child had encountered more death and destruction than a boy his age should have been exposed to.

Or maybe when he saw the lusus going after the helpless grubs he was reminded of other adults who had hurt his friends. Ana and Feferi.

Lusus drew back and Feferi stood tall as her small frame would allow and Sirius came over kneeling down. She climbed up ontop of his shoulders and stood there above the heads of all who could see and hear her in the tunnels “It is a new decree and a new age. We cannot allow the wonton unnecessary murder of our young anymore! Any lusus or troll who will not respect this order will be culled. This is a new world and a new way of doing things. These ‘old ways’ no longer work.

We decree that all hives will protect the grubs. Will place them in peaceful homes and that they will learn the lessons to allow them to live in this world of humans.

We cull the old ways. Some still work and some cannot be changed, but the careless deaths of our children will stop now!”

Vierge blinked at the Empress and as she glared around. A tiny child dressed in bright cheerful colors with the mark of her position blazoned upon her chest.

He, felt hope.

And then stared at the sound the human he held made was a happy and contented sound of a lu-no…

Of a Mothergrub.

Feferi hopped down from her perch and glared around herself, the surviving bullies were backing off and leaving the vicinity.

She turned to the little group, mostly brown and maroon, but tucked in the back was a single little waterdweller. She blinked as one of the other grubs, a yellow psychic threw itself over the little waterdweller.

Who was bleeding bright candy red from a cut along its fins.

**000**

The children reached the Mothergrub’s chambers with no other issues. Ana was carrying the little waterdweller who’s tail was bandaged up with a strip of material that Feferi had ripped from her own skirts. A tiny yellow grub, undersized or still very young tumbled and bounced along beside her. If it started falling too far behind Sirius would lean down and bop it with his nose rolling it up faster. Which made the little grub scared at first, but now it would slow down on purpose just to get half tossed/bounced up the way.

Several of the other grubs had just made themselves scarce out of fear, but a few others had hesitantly stayed with them. So that the children carried little grubs who likely were the happiest they ever been in this tiny short lives.

Protected, they were quickly developing games, and the children were more than willing to play with them as well. As the children and Lusus set themselves up in one corner of the chamber with their new friends Vierge and Tavros went to the mothergrub with Hope. Who was walking on her own at least by this point. Something about how she carried herself had Vierge feeling as if he should be putting himself as much at her feet as he should for the Queen he tended, the Mothergrub or the Empress.

She went to the Mothergrub and sat on her dias. Falling into the arms of the angelic creature, the two of them singing to eachother.

Tavros was smiling. The older Jade looked down at the younger “What?” he was still just shaken, his whole world was being turned topsy tervy and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“I think this time we’ll have real progress with my Mom.” He said to the other troll “I think, what Feferi announced might have made that other in her head finally feel she herself can move on.”

“Oh, well, that’s good.” If it stopped making the human act like a Mothergrub he would be very happy.

“Well, I had a few things in mind for today, but, I’m afraid it’s all quite out of my head, so… Why don’t you go practice what you know about mental healing on those grubs.” He told him. Get some practical application going. That was a good idea and he could then abscond himself from the situation and go get a drink, or six.

“Ok!” Tavros smiled and went off to play with his friends and the grubs. Other Attendants and Queens were watching and Vierge felt if he didn’t hurry he would be explaining himself so much he’d never get that drink.

Oh he needed to calm his shattered nerves.

Next time, he’ll get Beleza to lead them. He was done with that part. He’ll still train the boy, but he wasn’t going to be leading the Empress anywhere anymore if she was going to be making declarations for fair treatment of grubs.

**000**

Hope lay on a chair next to the pool, dressed in a two piece swimming suit and sunglasses perched on her nose. Warm sun turning her pale skin a little more bronze.

Next to her there was an oddly pale troll with a slight glow to her skin. She was dressed with a sheer shawl thrown over her head and shoulders.  She watched the ocean beyond the swimming pool. The other side she saw another troll, with wings like a lunar moth and was kicking her feet in the water.

“Finally! A breakthrough!” the winged troll grinned cheerfully. She seemed, so incredibly young.

The other troll snorted.  Hope glanced towards the sky and paused as it seemed the clouds were, showing something…

A hand covered her gaze and she turned to see the Lunar Winged Troll. Her eyes odd for a troll until Hope put her finger on it. They were not the golden color with the colored centers. They were indeed a bright green, but the once yellow areas were white.

Like a human’s.

“Don’t go staring off too much. What’s up there is very changeable and its best just to let it go as it will without our involvement. Right Dolly?” the troll looked over to the other who sighed.

“Yes well, I had my reasons.”

“And why are you still here then?”

“Because I haven’t finished what I need to do.” She said crossing her arms.

“Yes well you are destroying her mind!”

“Well that’s well and good for you, but” she sighed and looked down, her fingers laced together in her lap “I am sorry child, if I had gotten more time, but that vile Dualscar had ended up moving faster than I predicted.”

“Well, he was always a force of nature.” The other troll said.

“Who are you?” Hope finally managed and both looked at her.

“Mothergrubs.” They said in unison.

Hope sat up and looked around herself, for the first time she was, well focused. She looked between the two. The one with the moth wings seemed, well alive, and the other when she looked up her eyes were completely white.

And she felt, long dead.

“okay.” The human said and rubbed her head. She could hear music.

“Don’t focus too much on the song, for now we have a connection where we can all discuss what is going to happen.” The one that the Lunar Winged Troll called ‘Dolly’ said.

Hope sat up and flopped her chin in her hand “And why does this involve me?” she asked.

“Because you have made yourself a crossroad.” The moth winged troll told her coming over and resting hands on her back in a maternal gesture. “You are one of the ones who will help us all. Your place gives us possibilities and change.”

“How? I’m, just human. And plane and average. I’m not smart, or beautiful or famous.”

Dolly chuckled “You do yourself a disservice. For you are so much more than mere human labels.” She said reaching out and taking her hand. There was a familiarness to the touch, that part of her wanted to reject.

But as she looked at it she realized that was a stupid scared part and she pushed it away, rejecting it as silly. This kindly troll was not going to hurt her.

“But how?”

They both smiled at her “For being you.” They said.

Hope raised a brow “Oh don’t give me that fucking crap.”

Dolly chuckled “But in this case, it is true. You have abilities you are only now learning to touch. Your species is still only now beginning to actually harness your own mental abilities. There is a sort of connection among you all that runs deeper than anything among us trolls. And you are able to tap into it. But when I tried to show you how to consciously do so, the connection and your subconscious rejected such thoughts. “

“Thus rejecting her, and because she couldn’t’ leave, the rejection was just cycling and well.” The winged troll shrugged.

“It was killing me?” Hope guessed and the other two nodded.

“So, what now?” she asked them.

“Now, we figure out what we will do for the future.” Dolly said.

“I’ve helped Dolly create her own dream bubble, connected to you but now she won’t be trapped in your head and the two of you can talk a bit more face to face when you are sleeping.”

“Oh, well,” Hope thought about it and nodded “That I think would be better.” Talking in dead troll languages and getting so screwed up she didn’t know what was troll and what was human was exhausting.

“So, for now we’re just finishing the parameters.” The moth winged troll said. “And we’ll be able set and keep a separation for you both.”

Hope nodded “Makes sense I guess.”

“So, just relax and enjoy the sun.” Dolly said and she sat and looked up towards the horizon, watching the edge of where the water met the sky.

Hope thought about it and she adjusted the chair so she could lay on her belly and tan her back.

Kicking water with bare feet the third troll grinned and hummed to herself which the Dolorosa picked up the melody and unconsciously Hope began to counter harmonize with.

Grinning widely the mothergrub solidified the bubble dimension and enjoyed the freedom. Perhaps they would let her keep a connection?

Because this felt like a place to which she could fly.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. chapter 6

Still Breathing

Chapter 6

 

000

“You.” Karkat’s voice was dripping malice when he stumbled out of the hive. His glare at Gamzee had the other grinning wide as he could.

“Yes best friend?” Gamzee kept his voice bland and innocent.

“Don’t you ‘best friend’ me! You have lost all ‘best friend’ privileges!” Karkat said waving a finger at the other.

“What? Didn’t enjoy yourself?” Gamzee asked overly innocent a wide grin spreading on his face.

“That’s besides the fucking point!” Karkat screamed. Gamzee just honked at him, which made the smaller troll visibly develop a twitch.

Nepeta was poking her head out and staring owlishly at the two friends. Karkat had been startled by Beleza, but had not seemed too put out earlier.

Nepeta had only kept her eye on things as the blue blood was being the more ‘forceful’ one. Beleza wasn’t nearly as strong as her old moirail Equius had been. She had control and couldn’t take out a steamroller in a single punch. But the strength of the blue bloods was pretty well known and for good reason. They could hurt someone without realizing they had done so. There were other ranges of the blue bloods who’s strength went a different direction, like mental skills or pain tolerance.

Each blood line had its strengths, had their weaknesses. And for Beleza’s line, her strength was also her weakness.

She wonders if she should have stepped in, but other than startled Karkat had seemed fine, and Beleza had been so overjoyed at finding SOMEONE to fulfill her duties with. Well Nepeta hadn’t the heart to tell her to not do so. Beleza was baby hungry. She wanted to have grubs. It was a strange thing seeing that sort of need on a person’s face.

Nepeta had yet to really feel such need herself. It was likely why she had no issue keeping her status secret.

Although it was out, if only to Karkat now.

She hung back and watched as Karkat continued to yell at Gamzee, who chuckled at his friend and then with little effort she could even notice Gamzee reduced Karkat to a grumping troll. Arms folded and trying not to blush as he puffed his cheeks out at the taller troll.

Then seemed to shrink more when the other reached over and ruffled his hair.

“I’m still mad at you!” Karkat finished, sounding rather lame, likely even to himself, but from the look of things it had settled and was ok again.

That gave Nepeta an ache in her chest. A few changes and it could have been a few years ago with herself and Equius.

Was he even alive?

She sighed and rubbed her face. Settling herself down she waited for the pair to finish their argument and notice her again.

000

When the children exited the hive, Hope was actually walking with them. Quiet but the moment she came into view Gamzee practically bowled her off her feet.

“Gamzee… put me down” she said and heard a distinct and childish ‘dunwanna’ in return.

While she was rolling her eyes Karkat found himself with a very high raised brow.

Pretty much each of the children held a grub. Bubbly (in the case of an undersized yellow blooded grub literately blowing little bubbles and giggling when they popped) little things squeaked and chattered in the children’s arms. One was bandaged and held rather protectively by Feferi. This one made Karkat blink as he saw the bloody bandage and the fact it was a bright red.  He walked over and looked down at the little grub who looked up at him and lowered fins.

A red mutant water dweller?

He blinked at Feferi and the girl gave him her fiercest look (about as fierce as a guppy in his opinion) “They were going to just kill them all!”

He sighed and looked to the other children as it seemed Feferi was just going to be overly defensive.

“The lusus had them trapped, right near the Mothergrub’s chamber.” Eric offered. “Before we could say anything Ana went ballistic on them.” He glanced at the other girl who was currently happily cuddled against her Lusus and with a grub perched on her head snoozing gently. A little copper blooded troll with oversized horns. Not an uncommon trait though the shape gave Karkat pause. He just shook his head and looked at the human child and Eridan who decided to help as well in the explanations.

“Feferi made a declaration that anyone caught killing grubs for no good reason are to be culled themselves.”  Eridan said and Karkat felt like slapping his face.

“And that they are to be taken care of too!” Feferi added.

This time Karkat did face palm, with both hands. “Fine, lets get back to the house and, these guys?” he indicated the grubs.

Feferi held her injured one tighter “They are not safe!”

Karkat wasn’t going to even attempt at arguing with her right now. She had a bull headed look to her.

He glanced over at Gamzee, but he was too involved with Hope to be paying much attention to anything that didn’t immediately disturb them or threaten Hope.

So he looked to the only other (he hoped) sane troll here.

“Nepeta, think you can help us get back to the house? I seem to have more children than usual to lead back.”

The other snickered but she nodded and fell in beside him, “I would be going off shift in a few anyway.” She admitted “And that is the direction back to town.” She called in on her com and nodded, then grinned wider “All done!”

Karkat appreciated her helping him coral the now larger group of kids back. The grubs didn’t like the bright light, so Nepeta found huge leaves that shaded them. The water dwellers started feeling dry, and Karkat wasn’t sure where exactly she managed to produce a canteen of ocean water for their gills.

When they got back he was just as grateful that he didn’t have to do the explaining to Jade about the grubs. Nepeta was able to help and it wasn’t long before she was on the floor with the kids and grubs, playing tug-a-war and purr and pounce.

Gamzee had absconded himself with Hope. Well for as long as it was her there Karkat didn’t blame his friend.

Which left Karkat leaning against the door his eyes wide and feeling rather grumpy.

This was not going to be easy to explain.

“You want me to call this one in?” Jade asked Karkat, she’d gotten more than enough information about what happened between the children and Nepeta.

Karkat nodded. “Oh, and let them know that Nepeta will also be transferring back with us to the hive there. Have them draw up the paperwork, and a second set to solidify her status as Queen.”

Jade’s eyebrows shot up and she glanced over at the olive blood troll and then back to Karkat “Really?”

“Its secret, so tell them to keep it quiet. Otherwise this hive may try to claim her against her will.”

Jade paused and rubbed her mouth “Maybe then we shouldn’t say anything?”

“It would be worse, I thought about it but since she has agreed to come, the paperwork will be done, so long as her status papers are written up and confirmed AFTER she arrives, I think it would work better in the long run.”

“Less arguing, at least, in the terms of ‘better to beg forgiveness and ignorance than ask permission’ way.”

He nodded “Exactly.”

“I’ll get the call in though admittedly I’m pretty sure our friend is just going to be too amused by Feferi’s decree.” She turned and started for the kitchen. To make the call and likely get food. Nepeta was getting the kids settled, and taking them to the rooms. The grubs had all just sort of picked someone they liked and cuddled close. So she got them all tucked into beds with the older kids for naps. It was a long morning for them. Sirius had gone outside to keep the other Lusus up to date and find out whatever he’d learned. If Hope stayed clear headed long enough he could get her to translate for them.  She had the easiest time talking to the Lusus.

Karkat slid himself down the wall and sat on the floor, hands up and holding onto the nubs of his horns. A few soft steps and he glanced up as Nepeta paused before him and then squatted down to her haunches. “Holding up?”

“Other than I wonder how I’m going to survive the next few days of this?”

The other troll gave a half laugh and wrapped her arms around her knees “You’ll be fine. Its not so bad. We’ll get the grubs with lusus and everything will be good.”

Karkat snorted “With the kind of luck I’ve been having in that department? They will all bond to the kids or humans and we’ll be having more headaches ahead.”

She chuckled “Na, I think it will be good as it is.” She said and then paused as if there was something she wanted to ask.

Karkat waited for her to gather her words before she let out a sigh “Equius?”

“Alive. He works as a bouncer at a club owned by the Grand Highblood,”

The girl felt her lip quiver and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself “Good.”

“He missed you.” Karkat said the other troll really wasn’t very talkative. Hell they had very little interactions with eachother since they left the ship. Karkat hadn’t even realized he was at the bar as usually when he came by the guy at the door was the human, and the bouncer he dealt with most was the Highblood’s girlfriend.

Equius had a way of just staying in the background and shadows, and since he never spoke to Karkat, Karkat just kept his distance. Neither of them had ever been overly close.  On barely civil speaking terms and only because of Nepeta.

But he was sure the other missed the olive blooded troll. Equius was of a sort to need a moiral, but he never took another after the ship.

“You should call him.” Karkat said.

Hands fisted before her mouth the other shook her head violently. It had been so long, how would he react to her calling out of the blue, and wouldn’t he want to know why she had not yet contacted him?

“It would releave something in his mind I think.” Karkat said “To know you are alive and coming home.”

“But I’ll be at the hive.” She started.

Karkat snorted “I’m sorry with the way the Highblood is, I highly doubt the idiot would order something so stupid as to not allow a friend to visit! He’s not a monster Nepeta. He’s, well, fucking weird, but a good sort.”

She lowered her head in thought and Karkat pulled out his cell phone. Then hit the club on his speed dial.

He handed the phone to her and she took it before she realized what he’d done.

And before she could hang up there was another voice at the other side.

Karkat had taken a chance that with Jade talking on the other line she’d be with either Sollux or the Highblood by this point, greater chances on Sol as the two of them seemed to have a lot to say to eachother, and thus the one more likely to answer this time of day would be either Unique or Equius.

And from the widening of Nepeta’s eyes it was the latter.

“Equius?” her voice grew soft, kittenish, and Karkat pushed himself to his feet as the girl sank down to the floor utterly with her feet to either side of her and the phone clutched in her hands against her ear.

Her face broke into such a smile, her eyes watered up, Karkat knew he’d done right by at least one person.

So he left her be and went to see how Jade was doing.

“Sir.” She said as Karkat came in. Holding the phone to her ear and listening. So she must be talking to the Highblood, he was the only one she called ‘sir’ in that tone of voice as far as Karkat heard.

“We’ll keep you updated.” She finished and hung up as Karkat sat a crossed from her “Whenever Gamzee gives up his cuddle toy, we need to find out how much longer she’ll need to go back. Grand Highblood wants to pull out of here as soon as he can. Right now if he thought he could. Looks like the rest of the districts are about to come down on this place like a ton of bricks and,” she bit her lip “We have, a new development.”

“Aside from the kids adopting ever stray grub they find?” Karkat asked. Wondering why the human was biting her lip like that. Jade never showed those sorts of nervous habits.

“The Condensation?”

“Orphaner Duelscar killed her.” Karkat said.

Jade rubbed her face “Not as dead as we hoped. She’s been found and is in recovery at one of the troll rehabilitation zones.”

“WHAT?!”

Jade sighed and sat down on one of the barstools. Karkat mimicked her out of shock. They had been so long with the hope of a fresh start with Feferi, and if the old empress was back, what was this going to do with the new? Two of that blood type did not tend to live well together. And the Condensation was known for killing her rivals. The Lusus who took on the next empress was the one that had been key for her survival, as it was the only creature that could keep the prior one from killing the new.

“Any word other than she is here?”

Jade sighed “Well, according to sources, she might be here but she’s in bad shape and may even be mute, but well there was some sort of mess when she was found. The Highblood wasn’t too clear on what happened but at least a half dozen people and trolls died when she was found.”

Karkat shuddered. It didn’t surprise him, but he did not like the implications of much of what she said.

“We can only hope she might be talked into going into retirement or something.” He said rubbing his face and staring at the ceiling.

No wonder the Highblood was wanting them back soon.

He got up and hands on the counter top he stared at them for a long moment before he nodded “I’m going to go talk to Gamzee and Hope, the sooner we know how she is the better. We need to get out of here quickly. We have to get Feferi in a safe place before this Hive decides to take any action on their own.”

He never made it to Gamzee and Hope’s room before there was a frantic knocking at the front door. Frowning he went to the door and paused to look out the window before he opened it.

Outside was the Queen Beleza and the jadeblood male. Nepeta looked over the male’s shoulder at them. The Queen was armed, adjusting braziers on her wrists the other side studded with vicious looking spikes.

“Quickly! Gather your group we have to run now.”

“What’s going on?”

“Our District ruler heard about the Empress and is sending a team to try and take control of the child you have ‘for her own protection’.”  Beleza said looking like she believed that about as much as the next tall tale that sprung upon her.

Karkat’s eyes widened and Jade tapped his arm “Go get Gamzee and Hope. I’ll gather the kids and we’ll get Eridan’s lusus warned as well.”

“I’ll go with you.” The jade blooded troll said and followed the human. Nepeta and Beleza set themselves up by the door, ready to fight if needed.

“Hurry,” Beleza said and Karkat nodded heading off down the hall at a fast pace. He opened the door to find Gamzee there already.

The other troll looked like he was about to come out and was surprised to see Karkat already there.

“Hurry, we have to run, now.”

“What the motherfuck is wrong?” Gamzee asked.

“The Condensation is not dead, and the local guys are trying to take this as a chance to steal Feferi from us.”

Gamzee’s eyes darkened dangerously “Like fucking hell.”

“What I say” Karkat agreed. He looked at Hope “How you holding up?”

She waved “I’m alright. I mean, mostly here.” She tapped her skull. “The Mothergrub has established a kind of link I guess, we don’t have to be here for me to get treatment anymore.”

Karkat raised a brow “Well, that’s good.” He commented and then looked back to Gamzee “You know the drill right?”

“One bag each, weapons. Any idea where we will be going? If they are after us, the airport might be a a clusterfuck of a bad idea.”

“Not sure yet, Beleza, Nepeta and a jade blood from the hive have showed up and seem to have an idea of how to lead us out of here.”

“You trust them?”

“I trust Nepeta.”

Gamzee nodded and turned back to Hope who had already taken the moment to grab their bags and was loading them with clothing. No one had brought her weapons on this trip. With her out of it like she had been, no one thought it was necessary.

Karkat hoped it stayed that way.

He went back to the main room, the children were gathered, but he saw Tavros and Ana with extra bags and saw food as well as medical supplies so he didn’t say anything. Tav was going over the medical bag with the jade blooded male that Karkat knew he was going to have to catch the name of soon. Because otherwise the ‘jade blood’ and Jade was getting a bit confusing. Even in his own head.

“We ready?” he asked.

Jade came in from out back “Sirius is scouting a bit around for trouble, Eridan’s lusus has taken to the sea and will be heading north.”

Karkat nodded and looked to the two trolls by the doorway “We’re going to take you guys further north. Hopefully we can get ahead enough to catch a flight on one of the airports, elsewise we’ll be crossing boarders up through to Mexico.” Nepeta told them.

“Hope you guys have your passports.” Beleza added.

Karkat nodded “We got them.” He had them in fact, it was part of his own bags that he kept everyone’s passports.

Karkat though sighed when he saw the new grubs all flopped or sitting ontop of the chidlren’s bags like they were so many stuffed plush toys. The grubs all looked a bit scared but were staying very quiet. A yellow blooded grub was the only one not looking overly worried, just rolled onto its back and was waving its claws about making random noises and sparks. Each child had one and he rubbed his head. Leaving them would be a death sentence at this point, but could they take them.

He glanced at Feferi who had a very determined look on her face.

No, no they couldn’t. The little Empress would likely make every step of the rest of his possibly short life a misery if he did.

“They are not pets” he told her but she grinned like she won some sort of award.

Well she got her way, so in a way yeah she did.

“We’ll have to find something for those things.” He indicated the grubs.

Hope looked at them and Karkat about groaned. The girl had just raised one grub! What was WRONG with these humans? They seemed to have an instinct to horde children! But she left a moment and came back with the sheets. He saw what she was doing immediately and pulled out one of his knives. Helping her cut down the material into slings. The grubs could ride this way and it would give them a bit of a cover as well to hide them from the bright sun that hurt their sensitive eyes. At least until they adjusted better. Tav had, he had still preferred shade and dimness but had not been too bad when there was lots of bright sun out.

The grubs were soon riding in the slings and after a moment to get use to it they seemed to enjoy it.  Bags were lugged over shoulders and backs. Weapons held ready.

And they left. For the moment they would go on foot, following the two Queens.

Karkat really hoped that they could get to an airport, the idea of traveling to the USA on foot did not sound all that pleasing a trip.

But they would do what they had to.

Because, what other choice did they have?

 

\---

Notes: Let’s play guess who! Heehee! Who are our new little grubs? 


	7. Runaway

Still Breathing

Chapter 7

Runaway

000

Notes: Here we go a new chapter. I’ve been dealing with medical and real world responsibilities so my writing has suffered. But now things are settling down so I hopefully will be getting to a schedule again.

Likely not daily as I was with Relearning, but I hope at least weekly.  We’ll see!

As a rather important note I seem to have to make every couple chapters.

This story is literately ‘in the raw’ I do a basic spellcheck and a few things that my spellchecker hasn’t noticed or refuses to adapt to I have to just sigh and work on. Now, if you wish to beta this fic and send me the files that includes everything -including the chapter titles and notes-, then I will happily post them. Otherwise if it’s JUST the main body of text then it will take too much time for me on a project that is not paying me a dime. I have other books and projects that pay money for their completion and so they will get more of my time and get the ‘polished finished look’ because those also go to my editor to go over with a fine tooth comb for loose grammar and spelling errors.

So in short. Complain of the spelling errors all you want, I will be ignoring them because this is fanfic and I’m not being PAID for this. My only payment is your comments. And if you like the story despite the errors then yay.

If anyone would like to have a piece featured for chapter art for Relearning and Still, feel free to draw and submit something! Colored, black and white, long as it is finished work I will be delighted to accept.

I’ll be tracking stillbreathing and relearningtobreathe on the tags in tumblr. Or let me know about it!

**000**

They had a bit of a camp set up. Waiting for Gamzee and Nepeta’s return. This would be the third airport they were scoping out.

Karkat sighed the longer this went on the more he was pretty sure they were going to be making their way back home on foot. Which, rather ticked him off. That was an incredibly long journey. But the last two airports (one a tiny little private place) had been crawling with trolls trying to find Feferi.

“Maybe we can try by boat.” Hope suddenly said.

Karkat looked up, it was still almost odd to have a coherent Hope who made sense. She could still go off in ancient troll languages now and then, but it was more of the old Hope they use to know.

“There are cruise liners, smaller private yachts and stuff, we could likely find something, hell if we can get a hold of the Highblood he might even arrange something. Might take a bit longer but depending on the route and the boat, we might even be able to sail right on home.” She offered. “According to the Mothergrub she said that those who were talking in her cavern seemed to be focused on the air, since it’s the faster way to travel, and on the Panama Canal as that’s the smallest land crossing point.”

The others blinked at Hope as if she was talking in ancient languages again.

The human sighed “Common guys! You gotta be use to me being pretty much normal again.”

“No, it’s just odd hearing that the Mothergrub can understand us” Beleza said.

This made Hope snort “I’m sure laying all those eggs takes it out of her, but she use to be a troll like you. All mothergrubs were. If the Lusus don’t lose their minds for the most part when they go from troll to lusus then why would the mothergrub?”

Karkat poked the Queen who gave him a dirty look “She’s got a point.” He said, admittedly he never really thought about it. All the Mothergrubs remained cloistered away from everyone that there was no reason to not think that they were not treated as well if not better than any of the Queens.

But it seemed there was a difference between having every need looked towards and given thought to whether one still had a mind.

Beleza pursed her lips “I, will not be able to go back to that Hive when this is done with, so, I will not be able to apologize to her for how I thought of her.” She said softly.

Hope grinned “She knows. And said she actually didn’t mind when you’d come down and just talk at her. When you said you thought she was responding and listening she was.”

Beleza blinked and wrapped her arms around herself. “Did, she have a name?” she asked.

“Mother.” Hope responded “It is their names, all of them. They don’t remember other names. And they aren’t lonely. Don’t worry about that, most the mothergrubs can talk to each other. It’s the psychic link they have. Though, there are so very few of them now. But they are enjoying the dreams this mother can give to them now.”

“Dreams?” Karkat asked.

Hope nodded “I’m only in contact with this hive’s mother and the one from our Hive.”

“But, she died?”

Hope shrugged “its, confusing she did die but because she’d formed a link with me to try and help I guess to say her ‘spirit’ or ‘essence’ kinda hitched a ride. It was what was causing so much trouble. My mind was rejecting her, being she was something alien to me and she was trying to help and not damage me. There was kind of a battle going on between us. Neither of us fully aware it was happening even. So this Mother just sort of stepped in and mediated between us. Got it sorted out. So, we’re separate but both still here. She just kind of has a little ‘bubble’ she is in now that’s still closely connected to me.”

“Dreambubbles.” Karkat said and Jade who’d been listening raised a brow.

“Dreamwhatsit?” she asked.

“Dreambubbles, sort of a Troll ‘afterlife’ you might say.” Beleza told the other human. “We believe that when we die, those not ready to move on will reside in bubbles. All the bubbles are connected and we can then meet up with loved ones again, or hated enemies. Whichever one prefers.”

“Kind of like heaven, only the living can also visit in their dreams.” Hope offered up. Having gotten a similar explanation while the others were talking and finding the comparisons “Or hell, its made by the person’s mind and they shape it. And when they are ready they move on to like, feed the universe or something like that.”

“Well one branch of our faiths believe that. But most believe at least in the dreambubbles.” Karkat said “When we dream and we see those we love, often it is because we are visiting their bubbles so we can be with them again.”

Jade grinned “I like that.”

“I didn’t think Humans could visit.” Beleza commented.

Hope gave a bit of a shrug “Actually the Mothers think we have our own version of something similar, more of a ‘collective’ a sort of mass consciousness that mixes and merges. That there are some of us who can tap into it and when many people start having a ‘bad feeling’ or ‘off day’ right before a massive disaster? That’s because we’ve tapped into it and are getting feedback from the stuff brewing in that area. I’m still not sure about it, seems kinda weird like magic or something but they are showing me some more about it and all. We’re just sort of trying to figure it out. Seems a lot of us humans have powers of our own, it’s just on a slightly different wavelength than the trolls.”

Beleza nodded “And from what I’ve read, many of you have rejected all thought of such powers as false so you have not developed or worked on it as we have.”

Jade gave a nod “Yeah, that’s about the way of it. I always wondered if people would stop trying to measure things or find new ways to measure things if we ourselves would not start to develop in more interesting ways.”

“The mothers think that the trolls have kind of become a catalyst for us. That in the next few generations with the changing of views and the fact that trolls DO have ways to measure and develop their powers if we won’t start doing the same.” Hope sat on a rock glancing back, the kids were currently all napping on various parts of Sirius. The large lusus resting with his head on his paws. Grubs and children resting.  Ana and Tavros were piled together with a couple of the grubs and draped over Sirius’ long forearms his ear twitching slightly with one of the grub’s buzzing snores. Eridan, Eric and Feferi where snuggled together, the little mutant sleeping on Feferi’s head, his face buried in the girl’s hair.  The jade blood Vierge had elected to stay with the children and had actually also fallen asleep.  Out of all the adults in the group it was clear he had felt the most out of place and been having the hardest time dealing. Which had the odd effect of making Hope feel pretty chipper. Jade had asked her and she only shrugged with the adage of “misery loves company”.

“Makes sense. Humans always have liked competition.” Jade replied. She checked her rifle, with the walk through the jungles she was concerned with moisture getting into her guns and then she had to worry about misfire or even worse.

“Hopefully it can stay a healthy rivalry” Karkat said as he could see were even this could turn nasty.

“Well, long as there are people like us doing our best to help keep things friendly.” Jade said to him. “In a few years no one will even think that this is weird with us sharing home space. We’ll have our problems still and hate groups on both sides, but we keep working at it, and it’ll work out.”

“Or we find another planet and our species separate.” Beleza said with a shrug.

Karkat snorted “Well I doubt that would happen completely, we already have those who’ve become too entwined.”

Hope nodded, the idea that she could suddenly loose Tavros, Karkat, or Gamzee? To end up alone again.

She would have her dreams, but that’s just not the same as being able to hug someone who was right here.

Nepeta came into view and blinked “Why everyone looking down?” she asked.

Karkat chuckled “It’s nothing, we’re just ruminating on might be’s.”

“Well we all have some other things to motherfucking worry about. Nepeta and I found a small town, doesn’t seem to have anyone been through, but they haven’t ever seen trolls there at all, so if we go in, we’re going to be motherfucking remembered.” Gamzee said leaning on the same perch Hope was seated on.

“We need supplies” Jade said “Water, food. And a chance to either charge our phones or use a local line to call home. Hope came up with another alternative we can look into.”

“Oh?” Nepeta perched up on a rock and tilted her head. She stretched herself out in a cat-like way that either left one envious of her limberness or cringing on just near double jointed she was.

Karkat seemed to be in the envy as he watched her but shrugged “Hope  suggested we might try for a port. Take a boat home. Be shorter than trying to make our way on foot and from information she has available one of our land crossings is going to b e watched closely because it’s not very big. It’ll bottleneck us.”

Gamzee moved over and gave Hope a hug the girl hugging him back, which seemed to make him happy. Her responding to his attentions again.

Beleza crossed her arms “I rather vote for the town, even if we are remembered, long as we’re gone it can give us a chance to regroup and clean up. Being able to charge our portables is definitely a good idea, even if we can’t use them too far into the jungles.” She’d grown irritated early on with the lack of reception. Karkat’s phone had reception nearly anywhere, but then his was a satellite carrier he had through his company and not reliant on towers to boost the signal. It would be weaker, but he’d still have a bar or two pretty much anywhere. Nepeta and Beleza didn’t have phones, Jade still had her laptop that she could piggy pack on Karkat’s signal, Hope’s phone never came with them and Gamzee’s was a cheap track phone that worked well enough for most things but had been useless outside the country already.

But wandering through a hot jungle had already rendered pretty much every piece of electronics utterly useless. Hope’s laptop had gotten wet somehow (they were still trying to figure out how) and was ruined. Karkat’s phone was dead, Gamzee’s still had power but that was only because it had been off most the time for the simple fact it didn’t make calls outside the US. Jade left her phone back at the house they’d been staying at and neither Nepeta or Beleza had much of any sort of communication device as they both worked at the hive. As Nepeta said she only traveled into town to eat and sleep, sometimes enjoy some entertainments, but she only needed the communicator with the hive, and neither Beleza nor Vierge needed anything having lived in the hive never leaving for more than at most an afternoon now and then.

Out of the two Beleza had been doing the best in the jungle. Maybe it was just her blood showing. That strength the blue bloods were known for. She had shrugged when asked about it and only said she had been raised in a similar environment before it was discovered she was a Queen and been taken to the hives at a young age.

A few years later she’d been loaded to the ships with the mothergrub. She and a half dozen other Queens packed into a small chamber defending the Mother from other trolls gone crazed after the loss of their home world. Which was of course when she came to maturity.

Thousands of ships had fled their home world, loaded to capacity with trolls, but only a few hundred made it to Earth.

Those had not been good times and it was no wonder the trolls who survived often didn’t talk about those times in more than a few phrases. The few scant years since that time had helped, the shock of having to live side by side with another race had also helped.

But it was going to take time to heal.

“Well if we are going to go, then let’s go.”  Karkat said and everyone nodded following his lead.

**000**

They reached the town. People stared at them. Not just for the fact that a group of people coming out of the forest, but for the fact that most the group were troll with only three humans and the Lusus.

Children being the endlessly curious creatures they were recovered first and Sirius, bless his heart, started acting like a huge puppy. Once the humans children were soon mixing with loud screams, laughter and a gargle of mixed languages the adults started to relax.

They still watched them, but they at least went back to pretending this was normal enough.

“Is that one of those Lusus?” a man at the small gas station who had agreed to let them plug in their electronics asked as a game of Hide and seek formed, and seemed Sirius was currently ‘it’. His head hidden under paws as he let out small ‘ruffs’ as if counting while children scattered.

Karkat gave a small nod.

“We’ve been seeing a few creatures kinda like him. My boy claimed he saw a white dragon who gave him a piece of fruit in the forest a few months back.”

Karkat grinned “I’m surprised she was this far from the Hives. The dragons tend to stay close to the egg hives.” He was surprised one was here at all, from what he heard none of the Dragons made it off their home world. They had been among the most valiant. Gathering up those who had been far away and bringing them to the ships to escape. Had helped the queens gather the mothergrubs and as many of the young ones as they could. But also being among some of the largest of the Lusus, they had not opted to get onto the ships. They had stayed behind.

Maybe she was cooned on the ships or on earth then, Karkat wondered.

The man laughed handing Karkat a drink “Get this, my boy claimed she said that she was mad at the hives and so was living out here in protest!”

Karkat blinked, another human who understood the lusus? “Which is your boy?” Karkat asked, wanting to get this child in mind and get a name.  If this kid had some of the same skills as like Hope, he had a feeling the Grand Highblood would want to know.

The man pointed out the child. A tall boy who was currently helping some of the smaller children into a tree and other hiding places before he was going to hide himself.

Interesting.

“He’s not the smartest boy, but he’s got a big heart.” The man said with a sad smile.

Karkat wondered what that meant but his phone dinged with waiting messages so he picked it up, careful to keep it plugged as he listened. Most were word from work, some from the Highblood, usually through Sollux.

But the last message had him frowning.

It was from the Highblood in person. The Empress was confirmed. She was in the hands currently of a group who had been turning a bit extremist, and the troll who ran the Egg hive they left was with them.

They needed to keep Feferi hidden until she was safely back in the Grand Highblood’s territory. If they got her now, they would likely kill her to try and reestablish the old Empress’s reign.

They wanted to start a war on the humans.

Karkat restrained himself from cursing, from hitting something, well pretty much from showing anything other than the slight frown. It was a force of will, but he managed.

He checked the power and disconnected the phone from the wall and walked off to make him call where he was not going to be easily overheard.

He dialed for the Highblood and waited a few minutes. There was an answer shortly. It was the Highblood himself.

“Better be motherfucking important.” The voice growled in a way that said he’d been interrupted.

Karkat decided not to attempt to think on what. A female voice of Unique though that was fairly close said “Be nice.”

He just didn’t want to think. Pretend it was innocent. A meeting or something. La de da da.

“Highblood.” He greeted and there was a shifting sound.

“Karkat, glad to hear from you.” The highblood’s voice went from threatening to cordial fairly quickly, but Karkat breathed a sigh of relief, at least he wasn’t going to be dealing with a grumpy Highblood.

“We’re currently in a small village. All the airports are being watched and from what we’ve been able to gather, so is the land crossings through Panama. We’re going to be having a rather difficult time making this on foot.”

“Nor do we have the time for that; the longer Feferi is out of communication the stronger position the Empress has.”

Karkat sighed “Well, Hope suggested we try by boat. But we’re not going to have the money for buying one, and I’m not sure about passage.”

“A boat huh, Love you, alright on it? That’s what I love about you.” Karkat grinned at the affection in the other’s voice towards Unique. But his voice came back to Karkat “We’ll get you booked onto something. Give me your current location.” Karkat rattled it off along with whatever else he could think of. But as the phone beeped a warning he ended up hanging up. The Highblood would call them back soon.

So he went back and plugged in the phone. Sirius mimicking a real dog as the two of them bounced about each other much to the children’s amusement when he returned. Karkat snickered at the scene as the children who were laughing at Sirius’ antics were giving away their locations.

Nepeta and Hope were seated together over drinks. Gamzee leaning against the wall nearby the stall they were at. Beleza was holding a rope for a group easily holding up the wall that other humans were quickly trying to nail into place so the Blue blood could release. There were others who looked rather impressed.

Vierge was talking with a couple mothers. The way they looked amused and his avid curiosity meant he was getting information likely about human child rearing tactics.

“I have to say” the man at the counter said to Karkat who looked back at him “You lot are the most exciting thing we’ve had around here in ages.” Most everyone spoke the local language, which Vierge, Nepeta, and Beleza also spoke, but this fellow’s English was incredibly good. Karkat wondered if he studied in the States at one point.

“Hopefully we’ll stay the only exciting thing.” He said with a sigh and the fellow laughed.

 “Yes, I rather hope that too.” The man commented.

The phone rang and Karkat picked up. It was Unique on the other side. “We have a boat booked and a location to get there. There is one of the carnival cruise lines that will be heading back up to the states. Better if we could get a private boat, but hopefully the cruise will help you escape notice. The Highblood has also forwarded quite a bit more funds into your accounts. Basically he wants you guys to play tourists.

Karkat nodded, letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he’s been holding this whole time. “Right well give me the location and date we need to be there by.” He said. Looking up he smiled at the man who held out a notebook and pen so he could write down the information the other human over the phone was telling him.

He nodded as he got it all down, glancing at the calendar. Two days was not a lot of time.

“Do you know how far this is?” he asked the man as he hung up.

The fellow looked it over and grimaced “Well if you are going to go on foot it’ll take a week, there are mountains between here and there.”

Karkat groaned “We got to be there in two days.”

“Well, here I got an idea, I was going to be making a trip that direction soon anyway. My son has an appointment with a doctor in that direction. If we just head out today we can get you there in time no problem. It’ll only be a couple days early for us.”

Karkat smiled “We would be appreciative.”

“Although, I don’t think we could carry that large animal friend of yours.” He pointed towards Sirius who was leaning up a tree and fetching out a little girl who squealed at being picked up.

“Don’t worry about him, keeping up with a car is not a problem.”

“Damn, seems too bad he couldn’t carry you.”

“One or two of us. The kids, he can do that.” Karkat said “But much more and it starts going too far off his shoulders and he gets slowed down.”

“Makes sense. His build is like one of those greyhounds.”  And the man straightened up “I’m Luan, my boy, that’s Jose.”

“Karkat, the lusus is Sirius, that’s Gamzee over there with Hope and Nepeta, Beleza is single handedly pulling that stump over there” he was amused as it seemed there was a friendly competition. About 4 humans were attempting to pull a stump and Beleza was pulling out another, seemed she was one her third. Luan laughed seeing the sight and shaking his head “And that chatty fellow with the mothers and buried in babies is Vierge.” This point the shop keeper laughed. As the jade blood was currently holding at least two children with a couple more settling on him while the two young mother’s he was talking to seemed to find him charming and adorable.

“Our bunch of kids is Fef, Eric, Eridan, Ari, and Tavros.” He shortened up Feferi’s name in hope to make it less distinct.

Luan grinned “Well should be quite a trip. It’s going to be a little crowded, but we can pile the children in the back and so long as the Ladies don’t mind sitting on laps we’ll fit.”

“At the moment, we’ll just be glad to have the ride and be able to make our destination on time.”

“Well I’ll go tell my wife, you see about gathering your bunch. We’ll be ready to head out in the hour.”

“I can’t thank you enough.”

He waved him off “A bit of gas money would be appreciated.”

Karkat laughed “Definitely doable.”

 


	8. The Road Less Traveled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out the chapters will be loading on both FF.net and here!   
> Again if you would like to contribute chapter art, feel free! And thanks for everyone's patience.

Chapter 8

The Road Less traveled.

000

Notes: I’ve been adding a lot of Imagine Dragons and Skillet to the playlist. My uncle died. As did my father. Within an week of each other.  Sorry if I have been out of sorts.

This chapter has been very hard for me to get out. Pardon the time its taken. If you got lost, then reread the older chapters. Thank you.

000

The drive was long. The children at least stayed entertained in the back of the SUV as they bumped along the road. Singing songs (teaching each other their favorites) and pointing out wildlife as they passed it. The adults were rather cramped.  Nepeta, Hope and Vierge ended up on laps. So the stops to stretch legs was welcome for most parties. The only one who never seemed to tire of holding his ‘burden’ was Gamzee. But then considering the last few months, he was likely use to holding Hope.

Hope on the other hand was just as glad to get out of the SUV  and stretch as she complained she was losing feeling in her backside.

Which of course made Gamzee goose her to check for feeling, and she spent half her standing time either guarding her ass or trying to kick his.

Karkat sighed with an amused smile. Glad to see Hope back to being, well normal. There was still some strangeness and oddities, but she was back more to herself again. Nepeta half flopped on Karkat in a way that he was more use to Gamzee pulling, but at least Nepeta didn’t weight as much as he did.

He looked up between his nubby horns and at the troll currently shoving her chin through his forehead “What?”

“Nothing, I just like seeing you smile.” She purred. “You didn’t use to smile much when we were growing up.”

He shrugged “I didn’t have much reason to. I was concerned with just, living day to day.” He paused and well, Beleza knew his secret thanks to Gamzee and his big mouth. It was only fair that one of his oldest friends knew as well.

He shifted and reached up pulling out one of his contacts.

Then looked at her.

Her eyes widened and she blinked at her friend, and the reddish glow of his gaze.

“You, are red?” she asked sounding really surprised.

He nodded and checking the contact put it back in. He blinked a couple times, damn it was getting dry he would need to take care of that this evening.

Nepeta was very quiet and had sat back on her heels. So he turned to look at her, his face still. Waiting.

And then she just leaned forward suddenly, like a lurch, and hugged him tightly. “I would never have judged you.” She said.

He paused and then hugged her back. Feeling something inside unclench and release. Like a breath he had not realized he’d been holding.

“You were my furriend.” She purred it, falling back to childish pun-style speech that brought a grin back to his face again as he hugged her tight.

Gamzee had picked up a couple steps faster and caught Hope when she’d tripped up and was about to nose dive to the ground, then went still. She blinked looking up at him then following his gaze.

Her grin lit up and she poked Gamzee. “So look like Karkat might be ready to fill his own quads eh?”

He grinned at her and booped her nose. “Seems so. About motherfucking time!”

She snorted and then struggled enough he let her go and she was able to get back to her own feet.

About then their driver was waving at them and she sighed “blug, back in the truck it seems.” Cramped knees, hot, at least sitting on Gamzee meant he stayed constantly cooler than her, but he was boney and she couldn’t quite get comfortable with there being so many more people packed into the truck.

Gamzee was helping the kids get into the bed of the SUV through the back when Hope came up beside him, he pause a moment before he picked her up and dropped her in the back too. Then climbed in, with a little shuffling around (and somehow she still ended up on his lap) there was still lots of room for them and the kids, giving more space up front “Not like we need the radio anyway.” He said with a grin and Hope snickered. The kids had complained early on that the speakers didn’t work very well in the back of the SUV and with the adults half sitting ontop the working speakers in the front, meant the sound didn’t carry far with windows open for air and them bumping along the rocky and dirt roads. Hope had actually been enjoying the local stuff but she could tell Gamzee had been only tolerating it.

With having a language he didn’t understand, a beat he just didn’t seem to get into and the driver humming along off key, yeah she could see his point. Back home he seemed to prefer rap and hip hop, said once that it was the closest thing he could find that was like the Poets of his home world.

Hope was only glad then that he wasn’t around for the period when she was a kid. Before some old and new artists brought back the dignity to the genre, during a time when it had become nothing but references to degrading other humans and sexual innuendo.  At least now it had a bit more substance again.

About as much as any other genre anyway. Admittedly Hope herself rather like classical, though she also was fond of a few bands here and there that for whatever reason caught her attention. A metal band from Russia, a pop singer from Japan, and a piper from one of the Native American tribes, and a handful of modern and contemporary singers.

Past that, if it didn’t have words she liked it for the most part. She preferred to make up her own words depending on her mood.

Vierge was just as happy to take over the abandoned seat, which let the others get a little more elbow room. For the most part Karkat seemed fine with Nepeta, the two of them talking in soft voices.

Hope decided to try and get some sleep, Sunning with the Mothergrubs seemed more fun than keeping Gamzee entertained.  She petted the little grub who decided to move over and flop on her lap curling up to nap as well as the car bounced along.

000

Pulled off the road, Canvas set up and a small fire going, it was almost like a camping trip. It had been decided for the safety of the group to stop by the road rather than one of the small towns and a motel as Luan would have normally done with his son on this trip.

Hope hated camping.

Too many bugs, and hard to get comfortable without a bed. They had hammocks hung up between trees under canvas tarps a step up from the wandering in the jungles with only the stuff in their packs. Plus Luan was a good cook. Though at the moment he was dealing with a meltdown from Jose. Who’d been fine pretty much the entire day, but either something one of the kids said set him off, or perhaps he was just tired and at the end of his rope.

Hope had wondered if the boy was autistic or some such, but his father said it was mental stunting from a rather bad fever had as a child. He would grow up, and mature, just a little slower than other kids. And he was a surprisingly caring boy. Always looking out for others.

Just seemed at the moment, he had enough of it all and wanted a little time for himself.

Hope did not blame him, she’d love to have a meltdown or two herself sometimes.

“So different from home.” Vierge said as he finished tying off the last tarp and stood next to Hope, watching Luan calm his son.

“Oh?”

“Unless his Lusus hid him, back on Alternia he likely would have been culled. Too weak to keep up,”

Hope sighed, yeah she had a feeling, “It’s a different way of things, you guys have so many children that if you were to attempt to have every single one survive to adulthood, then your population would quickly outstrip food sources and likely you would die out as a race, humans, we put so much into very few children. So it’s in our best interests to have as many live as can, some still die, it’s not for lack of trying though.” Still she heard of cases of parents killing their children, or unwanted babies left in the cold. It happened, but for the most part they did their best with what they had.

Sometimes she thought the trolls were just more civilized in the acceptance that not everyone was going to live.

And could at least make it quick.

“At the same time, I do see where we need to change, adapt. I been talking with the children about the hive your territory wishes to build and, it makes sense. If the grubs are not so fearful, perhaps when they become adults they will be less violent.”

She nodded “It’s not changing all things, after all there isn’t much you guys can do about the death rates in terms of natural deaths. Babies getting into things that kill them, not surviving the changes.”

“Illness, accident and lack of growth account for at least 50% of the deaths, the others were those that traditionally were culled out, mutant blood colors, those that did not show the aptitude to survive long.” He sighed “We were told to watch for undesirable traits and remove them.”  Leaning against the tree he looked at Hope “I never could stomach killing the young just because it was a copper blood who happened to have gills, or letting the Lusus just go through killing at whim.” Too many lowbloods killed for no reason.

“Well, we’re going to try and change that a little, I mean that copper blood may still no live, but it won’t be because someone wanted to keep the lines ‘pure’.” Hope told him.

He gave her a bit of a smile and then went over to see if he could help Luan with Jose. Hope was about to see about making sure the children were eating when she paused and stared at the sky.

She swore, she heard wings…

A few moments later a large white form landed next to the SUV. Hope’s jaw dropped at the huge creature.

The children grew excited, especially the little grubs who all cooed and trilled at the new Lusus. Sirius bowed and the majestic creature moved towards the camp.

A dragon.

Great curving horns rippled like ivory waves along a long neck, her snout was a delicate point. She came through and towards Luan who was staring with huge eyes and leaning down she nuzzled Jose, offering the boy a piece of fruit.

The child sniffed and accepted it, then hugged the dragon.

Vierge closed Luan’s mouth, the other adult snapping it shut with a click that even Hope across the camp could hear.

“A dragon…” he said.

“One of the Lusus.” Nepeta replied coming over to stroke the dragon’s neck, the great beast purring in response “Gliese! Where have you been?”

The Dragon made a very rude noise and Nepeta snickered, “yeah well, me, Vierge and Beleza are also bailing.”

An inquiring sound from the lusus and Sirius came over as well, laying down with a pant and seemed to start up conversation.

Luan was looking incredibly uncomfortable as the dragon decided to settle herself around him and his child while he was penned from the other side by a very large dog.

Hope watched a moment, but it was obviously a private conversation and she heard nothing of it, so she went about gathering kids and cleaning them up. Jade and Vierge joining her. The other trolls all went over towards the new Lusus and seemed to be in various forms of conversation.

“Seemed there was a falling out.” Vierge said.

“Who is that?” Jade asked as she cleaned off the little yellow grub’s face and tucked him up in the netting with the other adopted grubs. The group curling into a little adorable pile and falling to sleep.  For all the heat, with the higher humidity the gilled children and grubs were not having issues with itching gills from drying out.

“Gliese, she was cooned at this hive, but a few months back just disappeared. Everyone thought she might have gotten killed, or perhaps she had decided to lay an egg, Dragons do that, being one of the few Lusus to remain fertile. But they tend to get really protective of their few eggs and often will disappear to have them somewhere not in the hive and often raise the little ones themselves.”

“Huh, well if anything it seems she’s adopted Jose.” Jade said as Luan had managed to extract himself and was next to one of the other trolls able to translate for him what the two Lusus were saying.

“She didn’t like the way all the mean lusus were coming in and got a bad order from the district Highblood she really didn’t like.” Tavros said from his hammock.

Hope moved over and smoothed back his hair. “What sort of order?” she asked him.

“They wanted her to do something really bad to the humans, drive them away from the area, or even kill them. She refused. So they threatened to hurt her and she left.”

Jade gave a snort “Smart girl.” She said as she tucked in the sleepy pile of Eric, Eridan and Feferi.

“They threatened a DRAGON?”  Vierge seemed utterly agast. “What was the Highblood thinking?” but he gave a pout and shook his head “Nevermind, they don’t seem to think at all of late. If the humans got driven away who would have given us supplies? Fuck! Half the supplies we got were actually donated from the local human authorities as a sign of good will! Though, they had been getting more sparse of late.” He rubbing his neck, the poor troll was having a hard time with all these political games. He was just an attendant for the Mothergrub, he culled grubs, and he made sure the Queens where comfortable, he didn’t put himself out there to think he was better than those in charge, or even questioned much.

Until recently.

And he didn’t like it. He didn’t like this being away from the Hive and QUESTIONING everything of his people, his culture.

He heard a bit of a soft trill and a warm hand on his back, he looked up and saw those grey human eyes and the understanding smile of Hope and felt a slight tightening in his chest.

It was oddly comforting to know, it wasn’t just him who had to make adjustments. This human had to learn to survive in troll culture as well as what her own new found status among the trolls gave her and limited her. She was like a Mothergrub, and a lusus and just something else all together.

She was something new.

And so maybe, not all new things were troubling or bad. He smiled back at her, still a little uneasy but comforted.

In the end, once the children were settled, most the adults sat around the fire while it burned down and talked. Gliese was snuggled with Jose, her wings sheltering him as he slept in the curl of her form. Sirius was looking ridiculous laying on his back and twitching his paws in the air. Hope was between Karkat and Gamzee, Nepeta on the other side of Karkat. Vierge had put himself between Jade and Beleza. Luan was close to Gliese but still a little unsure about leaving his son in the care of such a large creature who had a lot of very sharp looking teeth. But the Lusus seemed utterly smitten with Jose.

“She says your boy is incredibly polite and well mannered.” Hope offered to Luan, “she’s rather fond of him and says he has a great gift.”

“Um, thank you?” he said to the dragon who leaned over to nuzzle him a little. He seemed to mentally come to grips with his unease and reached up to hesitantly stroke her muzzle, the Lusus giving a great rumbling purr in response.

“What is this gift she talks about?”

Hope found herself being the one speaking as she had the best understanding of what the Lusus said in more detail. The other trolls got more of images, from minor glimmers like Gamzee to something more meaningful like Karkat and Nepeta, but Hope heard the lusus as if she spoke clearly. With a very crisp voice, it reminded her of the few times she spoke with Kanaya.

“Well, he seems to have a gift that is likely part of his development problems. He’s not just learning as a normal human, but he has to also figure out how to deal with everything else he hears and tastes and sees. There isn’t anyone to tell him what all those colors are, or how they work, so it makes it hard.”

Luan seemed lost in thought before he asked “So, can she do anything to help?” he seemed hopeful, but didn’t want to be too hopeful.

The Dragon gave a heavy nod of her head. “She can train him, help him learn, and between the human doctors and herself likely get him on track again.”

Luan blinked and then smiled “I, I would be honored then.”

The feathery like frills along the bases of her cheeks flared and shivered with pleasure. A draconic smile. And she happily nuzzled the boy.

Karkat snorted. “Just watch her, else she might up and decide to steal your kid completely.”

The dragon stuck out a forked tongue at the troll. Who just flipped her off in return.

Luan raised a brow.

“What she is basically offering is a co-lusuship.” Vierge clarified for the human “Offering to take care of needs that you cannot.”

Luan paused “Lusus-like being a mom then? My boy does already have a mom.”

“She knows this is a really odd situation, but she has noticed that humans really don’t seem to recognize or train these gifts, and his is getting close to maturing, and mentally, he’s not ready.”  Hope translated “But she has no intentions of kidnapping the child into her soul custodianship.”

Luan relaxed “Then its alright, basically a teacher. And just, how bad would this be for my boy?”

Hope tilted her head “Um, something about the level of a Galactic class ship psionic burn out. Um..” she looked at the other trolls who’s eyes all went very large and very round.

“I take it that’s bad.”

“Yeah, pretty bad.” Karkat offered.

Jade paused “Well, considering how we humans are, if this is something that would blow out half the planet, likely it would have just been internalized by Jose and he’d have been the only one to suffer.” She offered to the mild panic in the others.

Which only made Luan look sad, but he nodded “Yeah, knowing my boy, he likely would never have tried to hurt anyone else.”

“Makes me wonder how many other kids like Jose have gone unnoticed?” Hope asked. Hell according to the trolls she herself had skills, and then there was Lucy whom they called a Null.

Just how common were skills that were just considered nothing but wishful thinking and trickery by the world at large?

And in a way, Maybe tattoo was something whose time had come for change.

Conversation moved onto lighter conversation. Luan keeping the others laughing with a good sense of humor, and they turned in to their own rolls and hammocks to sleep.

They would be reaching town and port tomorrow.

 


	9. Songe d'Automne

Still Breathing

Chapter 9

Songe d'Automne

000

If anyone gets the reference to the chapter title, you are welcome to hit me heheh

000

Hope and Jade where both seeing how far they could hang over the edge. And Gamzee’s amusement came from the fact that the pair’s children were the ones trying to get them to come back and be adults.

The ship had not yet set off from port. They had said their good-byes to Gliese, Jose, and Luan at the edge of town, then the group had gone in. They were able to get their tickets to the cruise line and even had been wired enough money to get everyone some ‘luggage’. So they didn’t go on board with hardly anything.  Hope and Jade had gone nuts, buying everyone clothing. Even the kids. For the moment no one was going to make a big deal out of the fact that the young trolls were not likely to bare their marks much during this trip. If there were any other trolls on this cruise but for them then a simple ‘we lost our luggage and had to make due’ works well enough if anyone got nosy. Plus, it would help hide Feferi. The grubs they couldn’t do much about other than set them up a little nursery.

Vierge shot out to the railing himself looking ashen. They hadn’t even set sail and pretty much from the start it was obvious that even the mild rocking in port was a bit much for the land troll. The poor guy seemed to be destined to spend this trip in the bathroom praying to the porcelain goddess.

Beleza on the other hand found the workout room and was already enjoying flexing her muscles and intimidating the casual humans passing by.

Feferi decided to join Jade and Hope hanging off the rail, much to Eridan’s added frustration. Gamzee chuckled and glanced to the balcony next door. Anna was perched on her Lusus’ back, who was just laying flat as he could on the balcony enjoying the sea air. Below they could see hopping in and out of the water Eridan’s lusus. Who was attracting the attention of a lot of children and a few adults who from both land and the boat were pointing out the giant albino seahorse.

Among their group they had a small segment of rooms all next to each other on the ship so they would be able to see each other from their balconies. Splitting up they put the children and grubs in one room.

With Vierge sick, the room he was going to share with the grubs Jade ended up taking over, and he would share instead with Beleza, since it was obvious there was no way he was going to be up to Grubsitting. Sirius shared the largest suite with the children. And the remaining pair of rooms was split between Gamzee and Hope and Karkat and Nepeta.

Speaking of Karkat and Nepeta, Gamzee watched the pair together as they currently tried to figure out why the chairs on their balcony seemed to be of the opinion that no one needed to sit on them and refused to be put into the correct positioning to allow for them to be used.  Karkat was getting frustrated enough to threaten to just throw them overboard while Nepeta was keeping him calmed down.

Gamzee levered himself to his feet and using his long limbs to his advantage he leaned across the barrier of the divided between the two balconies and hit the switch he’d noticed on the side of the chairs.

It fell right into position.

Nepeta snorted and he was happy she was actually smiling at him. He swore he could almost see the tail she use to have bare twitch behind her with amusement. Karkat on the other hand had more than a few words to yell at Gamzee, which admittedly did end with a begrudging ‘thanks’.

“I guess the thing we should decide then.” Jade said turning so she could snag up her son and cuddle him. “Should we try and stay in our rooms this whole trip, or enjoy the cruise?”

Karkat sat in his nearly fixed folding chair and thought about it. “Part of me says we should just stay put, but at the same time, that is hardly going to help. If we spread out we will have a better chance of spotting trouble before it becomes so, and gives us a better cover.”

It was Feferi who nodded holding one of the grubs up so it could look at the gulls around the shore as the last of the passengers were being loaded along with the luggage and other things being shipped with the cruise who spoke up “Well I know from what I heard as we came in, there is a lot of stuff on this boat aimed for kids. If we hide in our rooms the whole trip people are going to wonder. They saw us come on board.”

Hope nodded as she perched up on the rail and hooked her legs in the rails to keep from falling off. “Long as we keep someone around to keep an eye on the real little ones and poor Vierge, I don’t see why we can’t enjoy the cruise. I’ve never been on one before!” she grinned. And this was one of the really fancy lines. With the waterpark on the deck and a 24 hour movie theater.  

Karkat nodded “So when we go out and about, make sure to not be alone. Keep an eye out.” He sighed “we likely can’t go carrying weapons, no matter how they don’t look like one.” He commented when Anna held up her juggling pin and then the girl pouted at him. The pin might have looked like a colorful toy but it was large, and heavy. Plus the bits of colorful splashes on it were not paint.

Gamzee for his part crashed back into his chair and put his hands behind his head “I just plan on keeping my chill on right motherfucking here.” He admitted. He was doing better, but he still felt on edge and the idea of moving through a crowd of humans who were going to stare, poke, ask questions.

No thank you.

He didn’t need a weapon to take off someone’s head after all. He was perfectly capable of it with his own two hands.

He would be happier if Hope chose to stay with him as well, but he understood she needed a chance to roam and get use to being in her own head again. It wasn’t fair of him to try and keep her trapped. Even if it was for love or pity or whatever word someone wanted to use.

She wasn’t his. Not like a toy or pet. She was his on a more primal level and that was never going to be taken even if she did wander around looking at shiny things for sale from the shop windows.

Maybe he would wander, but later, and it would be with the idea of finding one of those pretty shinies to give to Hope.

For now, he could just get his chill on and keep an eye on the jade blood, make sure the guy didn’t go toppling over the edge of the boat as he alternated between feeding fish below and trying to drown himself in the toilet.

Feferi dropped the mutant seadweller on his lap and he blinked down at it, which was blowing happy giggling bubbles at the little empress.

“Then you can watch the grubs!”

“hey now!” he complained.

Hope snickered “Well, Sirius will likely help you Gamzee, afterall, he’s not really going to be able to go wandering around the ship on his own. Most people still think Lusus are just animals and not elder trolls.”

Gamzee sank back and stared down at the grub. Part of him felt the little red fellow was wrong and should just get dropped over the edge, or smacked with a club, but the Empress was attached. It sort of reminded him of Karkat with its small horns and red blood, but it had the gills and fins of a water dweller.

It was likely just going to die anyway when it pupated. Karkat was a rare case of a mutant surviving to adult hood. Most didn’t. And not just because they tended to be culled if they got spotted either.

The little thing turned to stare up at him with a rather widen eyed gaze that gave him no clues as to what was going through its little head.

Then suddenly it broke into an adorably cute slightly gapped toothy grin, stuck out its tongue at him and rolled onto its little back to wave claws.

Hope watched Gamzee melt about then, a lopsided grin coming to his face as he started to tickle the little grub.  The little yellow blood made a hopping motion and after a moment floated itself up from the group to join its best friend on Gamzee’s lap.

Gamzee snorted at the little yellow blood’s spunk and could only shake his head as the grub shook hair from its face, it had such a dandelion mop on its head and then it tackled the red blood who cooed back and soon Gamzee had to make sure that they didn’t fall off his lap.

With that settled the others sorted themselves out and waited for the ship to leave port.

They all agreed that until they were in open ocean none of them felt safe enough to leave the confines of their rooms.

0o0

“You know, this is really nice. It’s been awhile.” Jade was saying to Hope as the two of them walked along the mall, bright colorful window displays of clothing, jewelry and signs calling out services on either side of them. Food was all served in one area, or you could order it brought to you in various places as room service. So there wasn’t much call for food shops on the ship.

Hope grinned, she understood what Jade was meaning. It was nice to be able to do something without children. Without shadows of lumbering trolls growling at anyone getting too close.

It was just, nice to do now and then.

For Hope though, it was also nicer to be in her own head. She knew she was going to be considered odd still, when she goes still, staring off, because she isn’t really ‘in residence’. When she’s talking to the other Mothergrubs.  Let alone learning to work with the odd ‘connection’ thing she was doing. It felt strange, walking down just this hall. She knew that the shop keeper over here was getting off at the next port and there was a strong possibility he would either end up hit by a car, or meet the love of his life. That this guy over here was going to propose to his girlfriend, that this woman who was smiling so big had serviced several bouts of cancer and her biggest battle was yet to come.

“Hope?” she blinked and came back to herself. Looking at Jade who sighed and touched her shoulder “We gotta work on your focus”

“Oh, sorry. Just, a lot going on.”

Jade tilted her head “So, what was it? Talking to the Mothers again?”

Hope shook her head “They showed me something of what it is I do, what made me able to share the lusus bond with Tavros and talk to Sirius. Its, kind of like I’m always connected. Like a modem I guess you could say, but before I didn’t really pay much attention to it, sort of blocked it out. Very likely because our culture told me to since you know, psychic power doesn’t exist and all that.  But now, the Mothers help me well, not go crazy and I just can’t block it anymore. I sort of see a mix of things, what is, was, and might be.”

“Precog?”

“Not quite the same really, its, more like the connections that all humans share, the sort of collective conscience you might say? Most people sort of put into it and never realize, they don’t get nothing back except during times when something big is going to happen. Like, you know how some days it just seems everyone’s lost their ever loving mind and no one can figure out why? Its because something that could happen somewhere and hasn’t yet is sort of leaving a signature and a lot of people are starting to feel it. Sometimes, whatever all that energy was going towards ends up burning itself out and nothing happens, sometimes it’s like maybe a big happy event, or it happens so far away that no one in that area knew. Sometimes… Planes crash into towers and hundreds die.” Jade shuddered at the way Hope said that, knowing what she did about where Hope had been born. The other young woman had been just, factual about it.

“So now, I just sort of feel it all the time. I can’t really turn it off anymore, or ignore it. I get, little things mostly.  As I pass close to a person I feel the sort of, I guess energy as it were, that they are putting into it. Life, death, love, hate, all of it. Just sort of joining the rest and I get little snippets. Sometimes just a feeling, like that woman is in love, but I can’t see with whom. That person has a secret, that man over there is going to get a huge surprise from his daughter soon.” She pointed out various people as they walked by. And then one old couple she stopped and stared at, a sadness in her gaze “He will be saying goodbye soon and she will be joining the collective.” She said softly.

Jade paused and reached over squeezing Hope’s hand. The young woman sighed and rubbed her face with her free hand.

“I have to say, I rather like how you put that.” Jade said suddenly.

Hope blinked and looked at her friend. She really was going to have to refigure out how to feel more than a sort of vague whatever and do more than just blink in surprise when people say something to her. “Oh?” she managed.

“Joining the Collective.” She said to Hope grinning “It sort of gives credence to all those near death experiences with the tunnel and meeting loved ones. Because, they are somewhere then.”

Hope smiled “At least, part of them is, and from what I can well, See, over time they just sort of, return again. Different. Its like overtime they blend with everything else that has died and all those emotions we have ourselves fed into that space and just.. come back. Maybe they are a mix of pieces of an ancient tree, a famous war general, a new mom’s joy, and a kitten.”

“Pieces huh? So thus why like twenty people might remember being Cleopatra?”

“Well, yeah actually. We are all connected to that collective, so we all give and take from it. And well, if something happens and we get disconnected from it.” She shook her head “… we die.”

“Suicide?”

Hope nodded “I.. think, I could likely help kinda ‘plug’ someone back in if I caught it, but, I don’t know really. I’m not sure what it is I do at all, other than I feel everyone around me now and periodically get little flashes of stuff.”

Like this vague growing unease. She could tell everyone was feeling it to one degree or another. That guy was keeping his family close to himself, this woman was just jittering with nerves and panic. This old man was being surly and griping at everyone.  It was like it was building to something, something big and local. Which meant it was going to happen on the ship -if- it happened at all.

But she didn’t get any flashes or hints as to what it could be.

Which was unnerving. More so than how she might have felt before all of this. Where she would have just felt a little uneasy and shrugged it off as maybe remnants of a bad dream.

“Hope, you are going glassy eyed again.” Jade poked her and Hope shook her head, collecting herself again.

“Sorry”

“So, what about the trolls? Do they have the same thing?” Jade asked, figuring to change the subject a little.

Hope shook her head “Its not like ours. Trolls are highly independent, so for them it is more of a grouping of small bubbles. Each holding the slowly loosening memories of the troll, and they kind of start crashing into eachother, blending over time, sometimes really long periods of time. They are still all connected to their home, but now, their home too is a kind of bubble and it all just attached to the survivors, and came here.”

Jade blinked “What that mean then?”

“They are slowly being absorbed into the Collective.”

Jade was the one that blinked this time though suddenly she gave a huge grin “Resistance is futile.” She did her best Borg impersonation from the old Startrek series.

Hope giggled. “Yeah, rather like that. What is all boils down to though is that we are very likely to start seeing just, an explosion, of life here. As it all mixes and finds new forms to take.”

“Huh, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Well, bacteria that make you sick is also life.” Hope responded.

Jade made a face “So it’s not likely to all be good things then?”

With a shrug of her shoulders the younger woman reached up to push her hair from her face “Well, its change really. Just, new. We’ll adjust, or all go collectively insane together. It depends upon the things that happen and how we all handle them in the next few years. Good or bad, our lives have been merged with the Trolls and there is no changing it now.”

The dark haired woman nodded “True, well I’m tired of all this depressing talk. “ They were paused and Jade looked over the listing of movies “Oh hey! They got an Expendables marathon!”  and Hope found herself drug to watch corning action movies.  As they were going in the pair bumped into a young man carrying a few boxes.

“Oopsies! Hey now, watch it!” there was a vague accent, possibly British isles. Messy black hair and rimmed glasses, the young man was dressed as one of the employees of the cruise line. With khakis and a sort of ‘explorer’ appearance. His name tag said ‘Hi I’m Jake, let me take you on an adventure!’

“Sorry” Hope said and then blinked, glancing at Jade.

She looked utterly smitten.

A sort of weird feeling, like something could go multiple ways, could get messy, or just fade out to nothing.

Wow, that was entirely helpful. Hope thought sarcastically to herself.

The young man blinked at them, and then grinned widely at Jade. “Sorry myself, I really should be paying more attention. Well, I should get going, Ms Jannings would really like these delivered to her rooms. Top of the day to you and enjoy your movie! Ladies?” he tipped an imaginary hat to them and trotted off.

Jade watched him go, and Hope waved a hand in front of the woman’s face.

When Jade caught the smirking expression of the other girl she made a rude sound and flipped her off. Hope started giggling.

“Oh stop that! He had a nice ass ok?”

Hope just cackled more as they went into the theater for their film.

0o0

“there are so many balls” Feferi’s voice was small and filled with such utter joy. Beside her Ana was utterly speechless. The two girls staring in a fascinated wonder at the swimming pool sized ball pit. The walls around the edges padded and there were even trampolines hidden among the balls. Children currently flipping themselves into it, or sliding from slides as they crawled through tubes, and dropping from netting above the pit from low hanging ‘bridges’.

It was a magical sight and both the young Empress and her juggalo were staring in wonder and awe.

“Miracles” it was Tavros who spoke finally and all the children burst into giggles.

“Common guys! This way!” Eric said and led the way into the pit.

For a moment there was quiet. All the other children in the play area stopping to stare at the new comers.

Eridan drew back a bit and seemed to try and disappear into his oversized shirt he’d fallen in love with on the shore, it was covered in seahorses. Tavros touched his arm and grinned at him. He tried to hesitantly smile back.

After a long moment the children took in the sight of the aliens and then did as children would do.

They went back to playing.

Eric looked back at his friends “What are we waiting for? ATTACK!” and cannonball into the pit of bright and colorful plastic balls.

Feferi was still giggling as she dove after him. Anna close on her heals and after a moment of tugging, Tav got Eri to join them.

Supervising adults looked on, and grinned as it wasn’t long before the new children got all the children involved in a game that seemed to involve mixes of pirates and tag with a touch of hide and seek.

0o0

End notes: Right so, here we go! More exciting things on the way. Just pardon the fact that my personal life is more than a little insane.

 

 

 


	10. Pirate's Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, more characters introduced!

Still Breathing Chapter 10  


-o0o-  


It’s a Pirate’s Life for Me  


-o0o-  


Notes: and soon my precious, my home and life will be my own again.. soooon yes precious, my precious…  


Yeah, life been up in the air for a bit, just when things were settling again, illness and holidays hit.  


Updates are going to be a bit spotty for a little while longer. We’re going to be moving cross country in the next couple months. So its been a bit of fun trying to apartment hunt via email and phone calls.  


Anyway, been looking forward to writing this chapter for a long time! Things are going to get crazy for a bit and hopefully will lead into epic awesomeness.  
OH and the periodic disclaimer “I don’t own shit and if you are reading fanfic you should know that already”  


On with the story!  


-o0o-  


Gamzee frowned at the water. He was at the back of the boat as he found it to be a quiet place he could sit and stare at the water shifting from the wake of the ship.  
But right now he had a feeling it wasn’t all happiness and miracles that was approaching from behind. Another ship, but something didn’t look right about it.  
Startling a couple nearby with the sudden surge of movement when he went from sitting to standing he walked to the rail his frown deepening.  
At the edge of the horizon. He could just make out the boat. But it was still too far away. He couldn’t make out the details and the surging of the waves of water kept blocking his view.  
Why did that boat make him so uneasy? It was likely just another cruise line, or shipping vessel. Maybe just a huge yacht with rich tourists.  
Feeling twitchy, he decided to forgo his nap and go find the others.  
He wanted his family close, safe, if something went wrong.  


-o0o-  


Hope reclined on the recliner by the pool. In both the ship and in that place formed by the Mothers. Outwardly she appeared to be napping in the warm evening sun. In her mind she was fighting herself from pacing.  
“Something is wrong. Everyone is on edge and I’m not sure what’s causing it!” she huffed to the Mothers.  
The elder mother was staring off into the clouds, trying to sort through all the changing possibilities for answers for the uncomfortable human. The other was flitting over the pool, she seemed to be just as edgy.  
“Something is going on in my chambers” she told them “They have taken away most of my attendants. And I’ve been given no material, I should be laying eggs right now but there is nothing. Where are all the Queens?” she hugged herself, feeling very uneasy. “I was talking to the other surviving Mother in Europe and she says that something similar is happening with her too. What are they doing?”  
Hope shook her head, she didn’t think what was going on with the Mothers was related to what was happening on the ship. But it was just as concerning. It was as if they were getting ready to move the Mothers, but where?  
“I’ll let Karkat know, he can likely get through to the Highblood and hopefully he can find something out for you.” She offered. “If you are really uncomfortable, is there a way to hide possibly? Just till you feel safe?”  
The flitting Mother paused and settled at the edge of the pool, chin in hand and elbows on her knees. She stared down at the water “there is a place, it would be difficult, I haven’t really moved much since I was placed here.” She admitted “Gotten kind of fat and lazy I guess.”  
“Oh dear.” The til now silent mother said standing and still staring towards the sky.  
“What Dolly? What do you see?” Hope asked as she came to her own feet and walked up beside her, looking at the Mother’s face and not the sky.  
“Possibilities and not good ones.” She turned her gaze down to Hope “All of us are in danger, you should get yourself somewhere safe, get warning out, that they have found the ship.”  
“Oh shit.” Hope breathed.  
“And us?” the other Mother bounced worried beside her friend.  
The Dolorosa stared down at the younger mother and said softly “Hide. For the future of our kind, hide.”  
Hope came out of her trance with a start. Sitting up in the chair just as she saw Gamzee crossing the deck towards her. Grabbing up her wrap she just finished tying it off when the taller troll reached her and took hold of her arm “We have to get out of here.” She said to him grabbing her sunglasses and perching them on her head. Stopping him from whatever he was going to said.  
Thrown off his stride he blinked at her “Do you know where everyone else is?” she asked him.  
Mutely he shook his head.  
Hope nodded “Well, last I saw Karkat and Nepeta had gone to the movies, they are doing a huge run of romantic comedies today. Go find them and tell them to meet us back at the rooms. We need him to call the Highblood about the other Mothergrubs. The kids are likely all in the kid zone, I’ll find them and I’ll call Jade and tell her to get back to the rooms.” She had gotten loose from his hold, he hadn’t grabbed her that hard, she knew that whatever was going on he was picking up on the situation in his own way. Digging in his pocket she came out with his phone. A track phone that didn’t work all that well outside the US, but the ship had its own tower, so she was able to dial Jade as she started off with a determined stride.  
Gamzee watched her go and then a grin breaking across his features. Hope was coming to her own.  
And despite the worry, it made him happy.  
Miracles happened.  


-o0o-  


It wasn’t all that long before the group was gathered. Doors between their rooms opened. Vierge was on one of the beds hugging a pillow tightly, he still looked ashen but at least not like he was going to be ill any moment. Beleza sat on the floor, her back against the wall and was stretching, her legs spread as far as the tight quarters allowed. Sirius on the balcony looking in through the open doorway. Gamzee had taken command of the only couch in the room. The children and grubs scattered along one of the beds and the other had the rest of the adults seated.  
Except Hope who was half bouncing in place. She was twitching and nervous. Her eyes darting about the room. “Something is coming, and its not going to be nice. According to the Mothergrubs, there is two things going on. In the first, both the current living mothergrubs are complaining that their attendants have been removed and even the Queens as well, we.. saw something.” Hope paused trying to figure out how to word it “They are going to go into hiding.” She said. Karkat got up and was already on his phone, heading into one of the other rooms to make his call.  
She watched him for a moment “The other thing is more for us, from what I was told.. we’ve been found.”  
Everyone but for Gamzee looked shocked, scared, surprised. Gamzee looked both mad and a little vindicated. “I motherfucking been watching a ship get closer all day off the back.” He told them.  
Feferi hugged one of the grubs tight enough to make the little one squeak.  
“What do we do? Warn the ship?” Nepeta said leaning forward her fingers digging into the cover of the bed.  
Both Gamzee and Beleza shook their heads. “If they do listen to us we give up Feferi’s location, we can hope that the ship following will wait to try and attack when we reach port.” Beleza commented “That way with warning given to the Highblood, he can make sure we have help waiting for us when we get there.  
Nepeta got up quickly going to the room Karkat had gone to, to update him and thus the Highblood with the secondary news.  
Hope was shifting and moving about so much that Gamzee made her sit in the chair and he leaned against her legs to keep her from trying to pace the room. It was making him twitchy. Tavros ended up crawling up into her lap which also helped. She cuddled her child and relaxed feeling a bit more protected.  
It wasn’t too much longer before Karkat came back. He didn’t look happy but he did managed to look pleased. “We have help on the ship already, the Highblood had flown in some of his guys who’d been looking for us to crew on this ship, or be other passengers. So he’ll be contacting them and getting them in position to act, as well as making sure the right people are informed of the possible danger. So this isn’t the worst fucking disaster ever, yet. He’ll also be getting some of his people in on the caverns with the mothergrubs. Make sure that they are safe and what’s going on with the Queens. Until then, we stay low and do our best to stay together.”  
A minor relaxing around the group, though Ana started polishing her juggling pins. Eric and Eridan fetching the bags with the other weapons, not the guns those were not allowed on board, or anything that looked like a weapon to humans. Like Karkat’s blades.  
But they had other items, tucked away. This was one case where the weapons of the juggalo came in handy for smuggling protection on board.  
As it was, it was going to be a long few days until they reached port.  
Or until the attackers caught up.  


-o0o-  


“Its dark in here! And Cold! Do you have any fucking respect for royalty?” the voice of a young troll called out from the cell. Outside the guards were looking more than a little irritated.  
“Shut up in there” One stated.  
“Can’t I at least get a computer, or a phone with wifi? My stocks are falling by the instant! I have books to run! There are ongoing bets! I can’t leave my costumers hanging!” the young troll inside the cell tried another tactic.  
The guards ignored her.  
“You fuckers are so dead when I get out of here.” She hissed angrily. And the waterdweller flopped back against the door and slid down to the floor. Plotting revenge as she picked apart one of her braids and started putting it back together again.  
Fucking hell, Mom was going to be so pissed off that she didn’t come home on time. She was still technically grounded after the last time her school caught her running a gambling ring on the last Hockey finals.  
Covering her head Meenah tried to focus on numbers, on well just about anything but the fact she had been kidnapped on her way home from school and was now being held against her will in a tiny dank room. It was cold, it was wet in the icky way not in the nice large body of water way or warm bath way.  
“I thought they had found their Empress.” She complained to herself. When she’d heard the news that the trolls in the USA had rescued the young Empress, she had been thrilled. It meant Meenah wasn’t going to have to do it.  
She didn’t want the job.  
The teenager pulled up her knees tighter against herself. Other than moldy wet, this dark place reminded her too much of the place she had been forced to hide on the ships. Hell she’d been hiding for so long, from grubhood on, the prior Empress did not like competition. And Meenah, she’d been competition. When they landed on earth she managed to escape the well meaning humans looking for survivors. Fled into the wilds of Canada, headed for the ocean.  
She’d been sleeping in a lake when she was found by the ocean biologist in training.  
Let herself be adopted by the human. Found she liked a lot of the human ways of things. So much less pressure! She hid who she was, she was just old enough by troll law that she didn’t need a lusus, so her arrangement with her human mom was between her and Mom.  
It suited her. She was able to hide who she was, and the cold winters didn’t really make the western half of Canada all that appealing to most trolls.  
So she went to school, she got to pretend she was a normal kid. She got an allowance and went to the mall and had friends. She wanted to study business when she could go to college. Dreamed of becoming a huge CEO or other high profile person. Someone rich and influential.  
But not a world leader. She just wanted to take over the business world, not the troll.  
From everything she saw, that little Feferi was better suited. She would do the job way better than Meenah could.  
And here she was, trapped, scared, and fighting the urge to scream like a frightened grub. And worse was that these assholes wanted to turn her into their little tuna princess and make a puppet ruler of her.  
Because they wanted things not to change, for the human world to turn into their old homeworld.  
Oh she could play along, but they would only keep her so long as another princess wasn’t born. They were already she’d overheard, trying to get control of the Mothergrubs, and had most the Queens.  
Control the breeding population and as the humans would say, you hold the rest of the species by the balls.  
“mommy” she whimpered and huddled into herself. She wanted her adopted lusus here. She wanted to be held and told this was just a bad dream brought on by too much pizza and a horror movie marathon.  
She wanted to be back in her own room, painted to look like it was all under water, with the twin bed with the shell headboard and her stuffed sea life toys. Her computer running numbers, keeping an eye on her portfolio, stocks, and the latest hockey game.  
She wanted her mom to bring her cocoa and they talk about next Christmas, or Meenah’s favorite, Halloween. How they would decorate the house, or where they would go. Last year they talked about going to Paris for the holidays, her mom had gotten an offer to get to attend a special ocean conference being held there, and that had sounded like such fun. She’d been researching, covering her walls in pictures of the Eifel Tower and other landmarks.  
She wanted familiar.  
And to not be called Princess. Not by anyone but her Mom…  
She was her mom’s princess…  
Not the Trolls.  
She would never be theirs.  
And anyone who thought differently, was going to die.  
She looked up her eyes shifting shades from the childhood grey to a faint magenta.  
And she glared at the wall in rage.  
No one would ever tell her what she was going to become.  


-o0o-  


The children were growing bored. Incredibly bored. They had been locked up in their rooms for a few days and the ship cabins were not meant for more than a rest zone, so even with the doors open between the spaces, it was still three cramped rooms with hardly any space for three humans, nine trolls, a few grubs and a rather good sized Lusus.  
At the moment they couldn’t risk being separated, couldn’t risk leaving the rooms and the weapons as well as easy access to escape routes. They had their balconies and they had inflatable boats they could hit the water with if an attack did happen while on ship.  
Gamzee or one of the other adults would go out to check on the ship following.  
It was definitely getting closer, but so far seemed to only be tailing them, not intending attack.  
If they could make port, get to the small airport and the planes waiting, they could escape and hopefully not cause a scene.  
But everyone knew that was just wishful thinking.  
They didn’t know what the other side was planning, but they knew it was dangerous.  
Hope was curled up, sleeping apparently, but she was everyone’s contact to the mothergrubs. That situation as devolving worse. The European Mothergrub had been captured and claimed she was somewhere dark and very cold. The Queens of her hive, plus a few others, and many of the attendants were there as well, and they were scared. Several had fallen into shock and having flashbacks to the ships. Others were doing their best to keep the chilled Mothergrub warm.  
The other mothergrub of South America had managed to escape. Perhaps because she was younger than the other one, or just more inventive since she was in direct contact with Hope who was able to confer with Nepeta and Beleza about the caverns and the surrounding areas.  
She had managed to escape the caverns completely. From Hope’s last word she was in the care of Gliese. The Dragon was currently hiding not just the mothergrub and the attendants who managed to escape the caverns with her, but the entire human village who had given the group help.  
And the only person who knew where that Mothergrub was, was Hope.  
“I wish they would do something.” Feferi complained and the other children agreed. Even the grubs had begun to pick up on that something was very wrong and huddled closer to the older children they seemed to view as protectors.  
It wasn’t that they wanted violence, but this not knowing, it was wearing on them. Tavros leaned against his lusus’ hip and sighed, looking at the sleeping form of his mother. It felt weird, both having her back and still having to share her now. How she had new abilities that he just couldn’t really understand. She’d been trying to explain them, and it seemed to make sense to the humans, like Jade and Eric, and the older trolls could seem to wrap their heads around the very human concepts, but it was harder for the kids.  
Same time, easier. In the end Tav only had to just accept that this was how things were. He had his powers, a kind of mental healing and awareness, and his Mom had her’s. Which as far as he could understand meant she was some sort of wifi modem to all things human.  
But he did understand that whatever it was that she had, was very likely what it was that made her his Mom, that let them form the bonds that let her keep him.  
Was why he got to grow up like this and wasn’t somewhere else with Sirius. Why Ana had Sirius instead and why they all got to live together.  
So no matter if he didn’t get the full details of it, he understood it was the whole reason that they were all together now and that was enough for him.  
He got to have his family and as Gamzee would say, it was all miraculous.  
Gamzee charged into the room startling them all, he rushed to the bed and snagged up Hope, taking Tavros’ hand and pulling the younger and very startled jade blood against the older troll. “Brace!” was all he got out before there was a low strange and muted boom, then the whole ship began to tilt oddly before it settled again.  
Red lights began to flash, a wailing siren of emergency.  
A moment of silence on the ship before even through their doors they could hear screaming.  
“What the fuck happened?” Karkat demanded from where he and Nepeta fell over and rolled half under the desk that they had been using one of the laptops on.  
“Motherfuckers had a submarine! The ship was a decoy!” Gamzee growled, “I barely saw them under the water getting in position to do something when I ran here.”  
An announcement was over the intercoms. The captain’s voice telling everyone to be calm and go to their cabins, the ship was not going to sink.  
Whatever they did wasn’t to attempt to sink the boat.  
Which meant, they were likely going to try and board it.  
Ana hissed a strange sound like from the bowels of hell. Her hands gripping her pins tightly, above her Sirius was bristled and ready, teeth bared dangerously.  
Hope came out of her trance as Eric, Eridan and Jade began pulling out pieces of things from all over their luggage and with steady hands began putting them together.  
Soon they had a couple cross bows and a rifle. Other rifles were in the stored luggage not their room luggage.  
Feferi was holding her own weapon, a more trident style thing that she had also put together from parts, so that it packed better.  
Tavros on the other hand wasn’t able to get Gamzee to let go, so he had to wait while everyone else got ready. He looked up and saw the dangerous and almost scared look in Gamzee’s eyes.  
It was odd realizing that the most dangerous troll with them was terrified.  
For them.  
He reached up his other hand and gently papped the hand holding him, and saw him softened. Gamzee half knelt, letting Hope gain her feet on the floor, though she still looked a touch out of it. Having been forced from her trance rather than coming up on her own. Gamzee rested his forehead against the younger troll and whispered “I’ll keep you both safe.” He promised “Not going to let anyone hurt my Miracles.”  
Tavros nodded mutely, but Gamzee released him and let him go to Ana, picking up another pin he could use himself. Vierge was half behind Nepeta and Karkat. Neither Nepeta nor Beleza needed weapons, Nepeta had very sharp claws, though he knew she had gloves with longer sharper claws on them, and Beleza had her fists. Karkat had brought out a pair of sling blades he’d had hidden somewhere unnoticed among their luggage.  
There was a slight screech over the intercom and then a new voice came on. “People of this ship. Hand over the young Empress and no one will be hurt. Do as we say and we will not kill every last one of you.” There was a slight accent, waterdweller.  
They had been attacked by trolls.  
“Fucking pirates.” Karkat hissed.  
Tavros had to agree.  


-o0o-  


End notes: Happy newyear!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> continuation of the pirate attack on the cruise liner

Still Breathing

Chapter 11

-o0o-

Couple notes real briefly. I’m in the middle of a move (second since I started this fic, can’t believe I’m almost three years with this!)

I’m back to loving on the westcoast, been away a long time since I had to move when I was still a teen with my parents. I have missed this place.  

Thanks for the readers who’ve stuck it out with me, and thanks to the new readers on both fanfiction and archiveofourown. You guys have seriously kept me motivated (even if a few people were more than a little annoying about it)

Anyway, once into the new place there will definitely be back to near daily updates again! (Boy do I look forward to that!) as I will have time and lack of people bothering me to be able to get back to my writing and drawing schedules.  Although I am limited by my access to internet and monies to be able to pay for things like internet at the moment. It’ll get better once we’re settled more. I’m looking at a few possibilities.

I am actually working on a couple original novels as well, which is making me happy. I love inventing races, cultures and worlds. (sometimes I have more fun on that than writing the actual story…)

Anyway, bottom notes will hold the new playlist, as I got a request for how it’s changed, and realized that its changed a lot over the course of these fics!

-o0o-

“We repeat, hand over the young Empress, and we will not kill everyone on board.” The voice over the intercom sounded.

Nothing but hisses answered the announcement from the children. Feferi looked enraged, Eridan looked both mad and rather insulted.

Well likely because it seemed at least one of their attackers was a waterdweller like himself. Although not likely a Prince. There had not been too many surviving Princes from their homeworld, the former Empress had been rumored to have been hard on her companions.

Karkat cursed as something jammed his phone “Looks like we’re on our own for now.” He responded, when there came a knock on their door.

It was Beleza who decided to answer, ready to strangle whoever was there if they proved a danger.

Standing there, dressed in riot gear was a familiar face. It took Hope too long a moment to connect the cute guy that Jade liked from the crew to the fellow standing before them. Jake.

He was also coat check from Trillian’s. One of the Grand Highblood’s people.

“Hello my dovies. Looks like we have a bit of a rough patch here. “ and he tossed a duffle on the floor. Hope wondered if it was rather sad that she could recognize the sound of artillery hitting the ground.  The kids swarmed it. Most of it was the guns and bladed weapons that they had to leave in luggage.

“Get hooked up, we have a couple more guys who are moving.”  He said and paused as the voice still talking their demanded over the intercom shouted “Who the fucking hell are you?” right before there was gunfire and the sound shorted out.

“And that will be our queue” Jake said cheerfully.

Bags over shoulders, weapons in hand, the group quickly followed Jake. Hope realized why she hadn’t immediately recognized him, (aside from being out of it for several months that is) he looked very different with the thicker lenses he’d put on, and the different way he’d styled his hair. Let alone he’d laid on the foreign accent a lot thicker.  Just all the tiny little things he’d done and he’d seemed a different person from the usually quiet fellow who checked IDs and coats at the door of Trillian’s.

Seriously, it was pretty trippy, he was like James Bond or something mixed with Steve Irwin.

As it was, at the moment he was all James Bond as he lead their group down the halls and checked corners before letting them go on. He had the same trained air to him as Jade. Who at the moment was holding up the back of the group, keeping the same sort of eye out that he had been keeping at the front.

Hope was starting to feel her head spin a bit of sudden flood of possibilities and took in a long breath to fight down the sudden feeling of nausea.

In her mind it was playing out like an old arcade game she played once. It had caught her eye because it was animated. But you chose a direction with the main character who was a knight trying to save a ditzy princess from like a dragon or something. Hope never made it that far, but it had been fun. Especially watching the main character die.

It wasn’t so fun though at the moment when the horrors playing in her head had things like Karkat going over the side of the boat and being ripped to shreds by a seadweller about as fast as a feeding frenzy of sharks.

She rubbed her face and tried to clear her thoughts. Up until Jake was about to take them towards the kitchens. “No!” every possibility screaming at her involved nothing but death that way. Ending with the image of little Feferi held tightly by Eridan and bleeding out. Eric’s color fading out with her life.

The others all looked at Hope and it was Feferi who seemed to read the inability for her to get anything else out. “Lately she’d been right on with her hunches. Let’s go a different way.”

Jake paused, seemed to be consulting the map in his head and took them up the stairs instead. Heading for the deck, “There are some life rafts this way. We can snag those if we need to. The Highblood’s reinforcements should be here shortly.”

Gamzee gave Hope’s shoulders a brief hug against his side. Comforting and a solid presence that calmed the human enough she could actually speak again, shaking the last of the horrors out of her head.  Now that the attack was upon her everything was moving much faster.

Just as Jake got to the door she didn’t quite shout again, but made a noise that had everyone looking back at her “Possibly two groups, one tormenting some of the waitresses.”

Jake rolled his eyes “Geeze, we in a hostage situation and there are still losers trying to get a date. This is worse than work.” He checked the safety on his gun, and Gamzee moved up next to him, a blood thirsty smile on his lips.

“Well we should just up and motherfucking show them how they should keep their priorities out of their pants in war.”

Before Jake could check the door Gamzee just burst it open with a kick of his boot and launched himself out of it with a yodeling battle cry.

Jake was left blinking as on the other side was the group Hope mentioned, who had cornered some of the ship crew, a group of pretty girls and a young man.

At least one of the girls were armed with a fire extinguisher, and when the attackers turned to see what the horror terror coming at them was she ripped off the seal and let loose with the extinguisher, spraying form all over the attackers. The young man picked up the ax that likely came from the same place as the extinguisher.  He struck at one of the fellows with a wide eyed terror in his gaze as the other was trying to breathe having caught a face full of foam.

And before they could fully react to the defense from the crew, the attackers were hit by angry juggalo.

Angry juggalo who was charging full force followed by laughing terror of his powers.

The crew after their initial bravery pulled back in terror from the one man wrecking crew going through their attackers like they were tissue.

Behind them the rest of the group were just staring. Jade did lift her gun and shot one fellow in the head with a single shot as he tried to crawl out of the pile of screaming trolls Gamzee was laughingly turning into swiss cheese.

“Well now.” Jake said eyes wide. “He seems a little more, um… Cheerful, than the Highblood when doing that.”

“Very likely because the Highblood managed to stay sane and he is very much fucking Not.” Karkat replied, but he still looked very calm. Admittedly he was a little proud of Gamzee right now. He was using the Chucklevoodoos and not a bit of it was leaking outside of his targets.

Of course, just watching him didn’t exactly inspire anything but fear as well, if he turned those juggling pins towards his friends if he was still on a high.

Then the second group Hope mentioned came to see what was going on.

The guy in the front had three holes and an arrow in his face falling backwards looking understandably stunned. Jake, Eridan, Eric and Jade reloaded.

With a spin of the two hooked blades in his hands, Karkat dove into the group and with a tumbling roll Nepeta went with him, the two fighting in concert as if they had been doing this for ages.

Beleza cracked knuckles and grinned, the target she had gulped and fumbled with his gun. Which lost him time and earned him a fist to the face from the Queen. Ghosting in and out of the edges of Gamzee’s spear of fighting was Ana and Tavros. 

Hope kept Feferi back behind the snipers, behind them Sirius kept a close eye on their backs and the grubs that the jade blood Vierge was keeping rounded up and safe while the others battled.

Feferi kept a close hand on her own weapon and looked around. She bumped Hope and indicated what she saw with her head.

Hope blinked and then grinned, the emergency glass broken for the ax and extinguisher had another item.

A fire hose.

Gamzee saw movement and managed to reach out with his hands to half tumble Tav and Ana back just as the fire hose unleased fury down the hall and hit the remaining attackers square on. He grinned wider turning to see Hope and Feferi holding the hose. Hope gave a human salute and the water pressure eased off right before she turned it off.

Before the attackers recovered Gamzee and the kids jumped them.

It wasn’t too much longer before they were left with Nepeta and Karkat checking for survivors, Jake was speaking to the trapped humans and the kids had taken control of the grubs. Sitting on Sirius’s side as the larger lusus relaxed blocking the hallway behind them.

“There were some people asking about you Jake.” One of the waitresses said. She was for the moment the most held together of the group. Also the one holding the fire extinguisher. “They said they were going to be setting up an escape route.”

Jake nodded and took the details. At least it was in the general direction they were heading. Above them they could hear sounds like helicopters. “That will be the backup.” He said and the group gathered themselves leaving a little hall of painted walls. Gamzee, Ana and Tav all baring little designs and marks added in blood. More than a little freaky, half expected of the juggalos, but Tav was a jade blood, the grin he wore matched his best friend’s and mentor’s in a way that made it clear he was an accepted one of them.

Getting to the deck was easier and they had cover with the copters. Jake was able to lead them to the side of the ship where there were several smaller vassals, at least two looked to be coast guard, and another was American military. A private ship had a familiar black woman waving from it. They could see another figure behind her. Twin horns and mis matched shades. Also looking small and rather irritated and miserable.

Karkat snorted “They managed to drag his ass out on this.” He grinned though at his old friend. Glad to see from here most the Trillian gang was in residence. So it was likely the Highblood’s ship, or at least one he rented, waiting for them.

With the military and other forms of armed personnel on call the situation on the cruise liner was quickly coming under control, the attackers either fled and were being chased, or the survivors captured and rounded up to be taken into custody.  Their party was to be loaded to the smaller and faster ship, which was going to take them directly to port and from there they were going to be loaded into a private jet to go the rest of the way home again.

They all breathed a collective sigh once feet where upon the smaller Rainbow Pusher (to which Karkat had looked at Unique and said ‘seriously?’)

It didn’t have as much to do as the cruise did, but there was room enough for everyone. About the only person not from the Highblood’s establishment was the Highblood himself.

Karkat looked over and grinned to see Equius and Nepeta. The two of them huddled together and talking. Mostly Nepeta patting Equius’ shoulder as the larger troll kept bursting into random tears.  Karkat looked back towards the monitor that Sollux was showing him about their routes. Sirius, Vierge and Unique had the kids rounded up and were keeping them entertained with the playstation. Eric was the only one not with them at the moment, instead snuggled with his mom. Jade rocking him. Human kids were pretty resilient, but not quite to the level of the troll children. Especially ones like Eric who were not really raised to be so tough.

Hope was leaning against Gamzee who was sound asleep. Head back against the wall and snoring. Hope was reading but had half the cover that had been thrown over Gamzee hanging over her head as she flipped through a magazine.

Beleza was with Unique, the two of them in conversation.

“That definitely worries me.” Sollux said suddenly and karkat looked down at his old friend.

“What about it?”

“Those two, are both very… strong.” He replied.

“Yeah?”

“Highblood is rather fond of strong women.”

Karkat winced “Oh fucking hell you bastard I did NOT need that mental image!”

Sollux cackled, little sparks around his horns.

Karkat shook his head and leaned against the table top stretching out his back much like the little meowing beasts the humans were fond of. “I am just glad to be out of that mess.”

“From what we have been able to figure out from the things that Hope has said in her conversations with the mothergrubs, the European mother might possibly be in the same place as the Empress that they claim to have.”

“THE Empress?” Karkat had to ask.

Sollux quickly shook his head “No, thank fuck.” His lisp was pretty laid back at the moment, not too bad. “Seems there was one hiding out in Canada of all places. A teenager, she’d been hiding so long that she just never stopped it seemed.”

Karkat blinked “The Moon Princess?” he’d heard that a princess had been hiding herself, possibly the rumors said on one of the moons. Keeping herself out of the sight of the Empress who had control of the planet.

He’d always thought it was just rumors by those hopeful that a princess would manage to live long enough to dethrone the Empress.

Then the world blew up, and it really hadn’t mattered all that much after that.

“Seems so. She got herself a human mom like Tav over there. A ocean biologist who is seriously freaking out understandably. The boss been in contact with the women, finding out all he can about the young Princess. Her name is Meenah. Seems to be a bit of a number nut and genius. Was working towards graduating and going to college.”

“Science?”

Sollux snorted “No, business.”

Karkat shuddered. There was a thought, an Empress in the business world. Even if she had no interest in ruling the troll world (which sounded the case if she wanted to go to school and never let anyone know she was there) she would likely still be a shark in the water of the human business world.

He’d almost feel sorry for them. He wondered if he might point her at his employers. Might be interesting to see how fast they would wet themselves facing against a real Royal Blood of their kind.

“So, we need to find out where she is being held and go rescue her?” Karkat commented, changing the subject.

Sollux nodded “As well as the Mothergrub. We have another group who are currently taking back the south American hive. Once that’s done we’ll have control of two of the main hives. We’ll just have to get back the Euro Mother and the idiots trying this damn coupe will have to back off. “

Karkat growled “I fucking hate politics.”

“Me too.”

Karkat pat Sollux’s shoulder “I’m going to go nap, let me know if anything changes that needs my attention.”

Sol saluted him with a middle finger and Karkat chuckled sticking out his tongue childishly.

Another day and they would all be home. Hopefully they would have some time to rest before being drug back into the complicated political game.

And hopefully they would have what was needed to get control of things before the world was wrecked by idiots.

-o0o-

Playlist: (I apologize this is going to be a long ass list, as I’ve added to it, taken away and so on!)

Florence and the Machine- Bedroom Hymns

The Band Perry- If I die Young

Beyonce- Sweet Dreams

Cascada- Evacuate the Dance Floor

Imagine Dragons- Demons

Ib piano medley

Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts

Anna Nalick- Breathe (2 am)

Alice in Chains- Man in the Box

Ib Title Theme (Orchestral)

Cascada- Bad boy

Florence and the Machine – Spectrum

Evelyn Evelyn- Evelyn Evelyn

Chris Garnaeu- Dirty Night Clowns

Imagine Dragons- Radioactive

Creature Feature- The Greatest Show Unearthed

Red- Pieces

Breaking Benjamin- Dance with the Devil

 Falling in Reverse- Caught like a Fly

IAMX- President

Assassin’s Creed- Ezio’s Family

Adam Lambert- For Your Entertainment

Imagine Dragons- On Top of the World

The real Tuesday Weld- Me and Mr Wolf

Gotye- Somebody that I Use to Know

Ana Johnson- We Are

Apocalyptica- Ruska

Shinedown- Her Name is Alice

Skillet- Monster

Mumford and Sons- Little Lion Man

Final Fantasy V- Music Box

My Chemical Romance- Welcome to the Black Parade

Saterllarma – little clown, Troubleing Clown

IAMX- Volatile Times

Katy Perry- E.T.

Little Clown (sober Gamzee song)

Adele- Set Fire to the Rain

Nightcore- Come Little Children

Crystal Castles- Not in Love

Paola Bennet- Soldatino (Nico’s Lulliby)

The Carnival (music box cover)

Jen Titus- Oh death

Tool- Prison Sex

Joe Hisaishi- Merry-Go-Round of Life

(okay, I got another couple final fantasy themes, but I don’t know their English titles as my player only shows the Japanese characters)

Haunter- Carnival

Gamzee’s Theme – The Carnival

Skillet- Hero

The Hush Sound- The Moon

Penatonix- Run to you

Goodnight My Angel (Billy Joel but I have a version from a movie sung by Terrance Stamp)

Sufferer’s Final Sermon

Vernian Process- Something Wicked

Grim Grinning Ghosts (remix)

Malukah- Tale of the Tongues

Panic at the Disco- the Ballad of Mona Lisa

The Real Tuesday Weld- The Show Must Go On

Renee Fleming- Still Dream

Disturbed- Another Way to Die

Limp Bizkit- Behind Blue Eyes

Malukah- Age of Aggression

Tangled- I See the Light

Mumford and Sons- I will wait

Orianthi- According to you

Rob Thomas/Santana- Smooth

Malukah- Beauty of Dawn

Enrique Iglesias- Be With You

Beyonce/Shakira- Beautiful Liar

Ballad of the Goddess – Skyward Sword

Zedd- Clarity

Temposhark- don’t mess with me

This World Fair- Plastic Soul

Frenchy and the Punk- House of Cards

Malukah- Age of oppression

Katy Perry- Wide Awake

Lily Allen- Fuck you very much

P!nk- Bridge of Light

Pistol Annies- Hell on High Heels

Heather Dale- Mordred’s Lullaby

Malukah- three Hearts as one


End file.
